No "Body" is perfect

Tonight John and I are meeting with some elders, one of them the Pastor, to discuss becoming a member of Rockdale Community Church. And before I seal the deal, I just have to brag about this wonderful body, before I become an official part of it, and can no longer brag without it being a boast about my own self!

When we first visited Rockdale, I was immediatly in love. It is a smallish Reformed Baptist Community Church, located in Conyers. I had been invited by one of the ladies that take my Zumba classes. (LOve you Bekah!)I felt so welcome and right at home from the very start. It was such a relief to find somewhere so quickly after we moved here. We went to 8 or 9 churches in AZ, and still never found a church home.

Of course, since our first visit, I have had my moments of doubt. For as you know no matter what body I am a part of, it is made up of saints that sin, and will not be perfect. And the longer you attend somewhere, the more likely you will see the weaknesses of that particular body.

My first struggle was one with labels. I hate labels. Period. What more can I say?? I only want to be labeled "lover of Jesus" or "Christ follower". But I've come to realize that labels can be a sort of protection. Keeping truth true, and untruth out. So, although I do not call myself a Calvanist, a Baptist, or a Reformed Theologist. I can associate myself with a body that does, and feel quite at ease with almost a hundred percent of their theology. And actually most everyone that attends Rockdale, feels the same way about labels as I do, and doesn't necessarily label themselves either.

My second struggle was, with the future, when Echo would be joining us for church. If any of you have met my "energetic" son, you will immediately understand my fears and anxieties. Echo is unlike any other boy I've ever been around. I've seen some come close, but I think he takes the cake on curiosity mixed with creativity, mixed with determination and physical ability. Anyways, I've decided to just cross that bridge when we get to it. A lot can change in a year. Right??

Let's talk about why I love this place and these people. They may not be perfect, but they love each other, and it is obvious. They pray for each other, come up under each other, practice the "one anothers" throughout the rest of the week, spend time together, and provide for each others spiritual and practical needs. The welcome that they extend to guests is unmatched! Although they are a tight knit group,however, it is not a closed tight knit group. There is always room in their hearts and congregation for more!!

There is an hour of Sunday School before the Regular service. I've never attended any Sunday School at a Christian church before, and it is intimate, Bible teaching, interesting, fun, thought provoking, and bond building. The kids attend their own Sunday School during this hour, and they are really learning God's Word. They have fun, but that isn't what it's focus is. The focus is on God and the Good News of the Gospel.

Church starts with worship. It is a great mix of classic and beautiful hymns, and contemporary Christian music. It is Spirit filled and somewhat quiet. I actually prefer a little more outward show of worship. But nonetheless I enjoy the sincerity and beauty of our corporate worship time.

We then have corporate prayer. I have been to many many churches. And this is almost never a part of Sunday Services. Anyone that wants to pray, confess, adore, ask the LORD is welcome to. Usually at a Bible study, or church very little time is spent in actual prayer. It is almost an after thought, or rushed through at the beginning. A praying church is a powerful church.

Then for a Bible teaching, thorough, well planned but not rehearsed sounding, convicting, encouraging, not a mere 28 minutes long, more like an hour, and sincere. Our kids sit with us (Blaze and Shade do, while Echo and Lock are in extended service). All of us are growing so much in the LORD, and it astounds me how much the girls are getting out of it.

Every Sunday we take communion. I love taking Communion every Sunday. It doesn't get old for me. I need to remember. Remember Jesus' sacrifice for me. Remember the forgiveness and redemption found at the cross. Remember the competed work and the power of the resurrection. How could that get old?

Rockdale doesn't pass around an offering or make a mention of money ever, that I have heard. There is an offering box in the foyer that you can give if you feel led, and how you feel led. They don't seem to have any financial struggles, and they are not in debt. The pastor actually had a full time paying job for most of his time in his position, and wasn't even paid. I know this is a huge testimony to many that think churches only care about getting at your wallet. I've never felt this way, but I still think this is a wonderful approach to handling money and church.

They are about to launch small groups soon, and I am really excited to get involved in a small group, and to get to know more people at the church. These groups will last about six weeks, and then rotate, which will avoid the whole cliquish feeling that small groups can incur. Also, more people will get the opportunity to know each other every new rotation.

Well, as I write this, I'm looking forward to tonight. But I'm looking even more forward to when John, the kids and I stand in front of all those smiling and loving faces, and make our commitment to them and them to us. It is like being grafted into a huge family. A huge, wonderful, loving, imperfect, beautiful mess of a family....

"If Jesus thought the church worth dying for, it may just be worth living in." Mark Galli

At the Foot of the Cross

A broken marriage is heartbreaking. And that is an understatement. Two fallen and sinful people coming together to make one. To me it sounds doomed from the start, a recipe for disaster even. And yet, God created it. And somehow it is even the very picture of Christ and His church. Of course, ours is a marriage made on earth, among sin and sinfulness and flesh and decay. His is a marriage made in heaven. And so what do we do, with this earthly, sometimes broken, sometimes painful marriage? How do we respond to a spouse that is imperfect, sinful, and sometimes really difficult to live with?

Before marriage, I was not one of those Christians that thought "Hey, I'm a pretty great Christian!" I was, and still am pretty aware of my wretchedness. So it didn't come as a shock to me, when I did not turn out to be the Proverbs 31 woman in my role as a wife. However, in the microcosm of my little world, my sins have become even MORE magnified! Magnified to a degree, that it becomes essential to address them and not to ignore or just live with them. So now that I've discovered that I'm an even worse sinner than I originally thought.... now what?

What do I do with the disappointments? The pain? Scrap it? Pray for early widowhood? (See, I am an ugly sinner) Become a constant nag? Fake it 'til I make it? Try harder????

I've tried all of these ways, and they just don't work. Well, I haven't totally scrapped it, but I did check out emotionally and have been unavailable to my husband for long periods of time. And that may be even worse in some ways. Thankfully my prayers for widowhood went unanswered. And nagging only made things worse. God's Word says that I am sickness in John's bones when I nag him. Focusing on my own behaviors, and trying harder, just causes more disappointment, more despair, when I fail, or self-righteousness, bitterness, and resentment when I succeed.

Thank You God for the Titus 2 women in my life. Thank you God for Your Word. For in my questioning of You and Your plan, you lovingly guided me to where I needed to go. For when my sins are magnified, the need for the cross is also magnified. And when I go to the foot of the cross I am right where You want me. Here I will lay myself down, and wrap my body and mind around it. Allowing the blood of Jesus to flow down and over and cover every inch of my being. A robe of blood that becomes my robe of righteousness. It hides my blemishes, washes away my sin, changes me, renews my mind and makes my heart tender. If every time I fail, I capture my wrong thought and make it obedient to Christ. If I spend time with Him, seeking Him in His Word, and I leave that place with His aroma covering the stench of my flesh. If I be still, knowing that He is God, listening for His voice, crying out to Him my worries and my sadness. And even all of this is still by His Grace alone and through His Holy Spirit alone and by His Power alone. In my weakness, He is my strength. To Him alone be the Glory.

To an unbeliever this will sound foreign, and the blood visual will even sound like a remake of the horror flick "Carrie". But to those that have tasted the grace and mercy of His forgiveness. To those that have found themselves at the foot of the cross. This is the most beautiful scene in the Story of Life.

At the foot of the cross there is no judgement. There is no condemnation. There is Redemption. There is Salvation. There is Power. Here I can trade what is of no value to me, for something I could never earn or purchase. I can begin to live in a Heavenly Kingdom as the daughter of a King. I can walk in the same power that raises the dead, and makes alive the dead parts of my own life.

God takes no joy in my pain. Pain is a necessity at times, and through this fire, this refining fire, I come out with a little less dross and a little more shine. And instead of just enduring the pain, I can even take joy in my suffering, if I remember it is changing me more and more to be like my Beloved Jesus.

So, this day, when I fail once again in some way or another, or when I am hurt by the sin of another, I will lay myself down in the only place that can change me, heal me, and bring me peace and joy inexplicable.

The cross.....

Press On

Lately everywhere I turn I am faced with hope. I can't escape it, not that I want to. There have been many times in my life that I have felt the emptiness and terrror of (almost) absolute hopelessness. All the time grasping for a God I wanted to believe was there. Was He Knowing, Caring, Still in control? Unable to see any hope. Blinded by sadness, circumstances and self-centeredness. And yet I pressed on.

Driving in my car the other night, I thought back to the path my life has taken so far, and where I am today. Seeing His Hand on me throughout all those dark times, I became overwhelmed with gratitude. My heart overflowed with thankfulness to God, my God had never forsaken me, He never will. He, who in perfect wisdom, does whatever is good and great and right. And resting in those truths, I press on.

God has been loving me through some amazing people lately. I am surrounded by and being loved by an amazing body of Christ. I am being encouraged and prayed for. Whose thoughts of me are precious. I have been grafted into and adopted by this body. And for the first time in my life, I want to become a member of a church. And even as I write this my palms feel sweaty and my heart races.And my mind wanders to all of the "what ifs" (like a groom with very cold feet). But I press on.

This morning with each sip of my coffe (that my sweet husband made me), out of my brand new mug, I am faced with hope. No, literally, it says the word "Hope" on the inside (thanks Cheryl!) And I ponder over what my hope is in. My hope is in HIM, who has my every tear in a bottle, who gave himself for me, even unto death, who loved me first, when I was so unlovable, who never did and never will forsake me, even when I turn away, who has a beautiful plan for me, that I take no credit for, who loves me tenderly and sometimes painfully, even when I reject Him, and who conquered sin and death, giving me the same power of the resurrection to Just Press On!

The Lost Art of Writing a Letter

My sweet Blaze writes to her grandma. She takes a pen, and a piece of paper, she writes something personal and friendly, she puts it into an envelope and addresses it, she applies the proper postage, and walks it to the mailbox. I have never told her to, I have never even taught her how. She just did it, completely unsolicited, on her own. This last month has been extremely difficult for my mother in law (she lost her dad and her dog), and so Blaze's last letter, was somewhat sympathetic. However, I don't think that compassion is her gift! lol! This is the letter (with permission from Blaze):

"Dear Grandma,
Sorry I didn't write sooner, but I've been pre-occupied over Summer affairs. well i've had a great time for summer, i have some new friend's! I'm sorry for Sophie and your Dad, i bet your sad :( well it's not the end of the world, and i bet you will still be happy!
Your
loving,
Grand-daughter Blaze"

Flying Sober

Maybe you've heard the saying: "There is nothing to fear but fear itself", well in my opinion that is a load of you know what. Without fear, we could not give God a proper response. Fear promotes a need for peace, and that is a need only God can really fulfill. It is only in moments of realizing our humanity... our mortality, can we really begin to rely on and cling to God fully. He speaks to us so tenderly in our moments of terror. He draws us in. He surrounds us. It is then that we feel His presence more fully than any other time.





Just recently I experienced this for myself. I am scared of flying. And really that is putting it mildly. Let's just say, when I am about to embark on an airplane, when I say "goodbye" to my friends, my husband, and my sweet little children, I am literally saying "GOODBYE... SAYANARA... SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE... IT WAS NICE KNOWING YA... HAVE FUN AT MY FUNERAL". No exaggeration. When that cock pit door closes, I hear the creaking of a coffin and the pounding of the nails. Are you getting the idea? Well, in order to get to my Zumba convention, I needed to ride in one of these flying coffins. Usually I call up my mom, and ask her to loan me a Valium or two... or three. But she was out of town. So, I rode to my grave sober minded. And thank God that I did!





Before I left, my dear dear friend Rebekah and I prayed together on the phone. During her prayer, she was moved to pray for me that God would give me a thought that I could cling to that would bring me peace when I felt afraid. I am so thankful for my friend who listens so closely to God's Holy Spirit, and for God who has placed this dear person in my life.





At take off, I cried. Literally, there were tears pouring down my cheeks. No one noticed, because I did it completely silently (a skill I didn't know I had). I almost reached across the aisle a dozen times to hold hands with an old man. The really hot guy next to me was not an option. After we reached a "safe" altitude, they began drink service. Right after they gave me my coffee, the pilot turns on the safety belt sign and says "We are approaching some weather, I am sorry to have to interrupt drink service. Flight attendants please secure the cabin." Well, what I heard was "We are about to fly into a storm, we are all going to die. And oh yeah... all you chumps that didn't get anything to drink, so sorry". Before I left for this trip, I was reading with Shade a book for school all about thunder and lightning, and here is the picture that is permeating every part of my mind:

At this point the tears are streaming and the whispered prayers are pouring out. When all of a sudden, I am literally jarred by a vision. It is a baby, being held in the arms of someone, in heaven. And in that moment I knew that that baby was the baby I lost to a miscarriage some years back. I never think about that little soul. And here she pops into my head. Reminding me that I have so much to look forward to when I die. Lately I have struggled with heaven. It sounds so anticeptic and monotonous and boring. I know that this is a wrong view. But it is mine nonetheless. Heaven just got a lot more interesting. I prayed, clinging to that beautiful vision, that beautiful little baby. After a few more minutes, I opened my eyes and I cautiously looked out the window, and there boldly painting the sky, was a beautiful rainbow. A covenant. A promise. For what? A definite outcome of what I desired? No... a hope.





At this point I yell out to said hot guy/neighbor "LOOK a RAINBOW" (and silently... "we might live!!") The guy on the other side of him says "he doesn't speak english". We get to talking and I find out that these two are on their way to "rehab". At first I'm like "jeez... that's personal information", then they clarify they are ball players. When I ask if it's a team I would know, they were like. "The Atlanta Braves". They were very humble. And after that treated me like they would a little sister, and helped me find my way around the Orlando airport, and to my shuttle. I asked them if they had noticed how scared I was, and they hadn't, thankfully.





Fast forward to my next trip, my flight home. I had made friends with a lady at the convention. She was one of six people that were sharing two rooms, but we were not in the same one. Howerver we had run with the same crowd all weekend. She was also a strong believer. I hadn't got a chance to say goodbye to her, and I saw her at my gate at the airport and I ran up to hug her goodbye. We discovered that we were on the same flight. But then much to our total dismay and delight we discovered that we were sitting RIGHT NEXT to each other!! Yay! Someone to hold hands with. We prayed together, we shared our testimonies, we became solid. It was amazing. Only God could've orchestrated something so very perfect. And I am so thankful.





If I had done what I normally do, numbed my fears with a pill and maybe a cocktail, the opportunity for God to show up for me would have been lost, although it's true, I wouldn't have ever known what I had missed. Thank You Father for giving me the courage. Which, by the way, isn't absence of fear, but having fear and going for it anyways!

Hide it in your heart

This morning during my devotional time, I came to Romans 8 in my Bible reading. It brought me back to high school, when I was only a year into my walk with Jesus, and I was studying for an event called "Bible Bowl" (like "knowledge bowl" just biblically focused). I had to memorize the King James Version of the entire chapter of Romans 8. I am pretty sure I got last pick of which chapter, because everyone else had twenty-something verses to memorize, and I had 39. As I read through the verses this morning, I was so moved by the message God wanted me to carry in my heart through out the very dark path I ended up taking. He wanted me to know that I wasn't condemned, He warned me about my flesh, He told me to hope in what I couldn't see, and that I was chosen. And finally He told me that nothing, absolutely nothing, could separate us.

I thought about the knobby knees on my teenage body, and how I thought they would carry me to the mission field. I thought I was satan's worst enemy and Jesus' greatest fan. I told everyone about Jesus that would listen, and even a few who didn't want to listen! I was on fire... a Jesus freak.

I could blame the turn on a boy, a bad childhood, no parental supervision, or low self-esteem. And those are partly to blame... well except low self-esteem, but I will get back to that. I can't say for sure why I did the things I did. But instead of finding myself in Africa teaching other missionaries children in a private school, I found myself, "playing house" with certain boyfriends, and eventually numbing the pain and filling the emptiness with a continuous stream of drug use.

I want to get back to that whole lie of low self-esteem. No where in the bible does it talk about needing to think MORE highly of one's self. As a matter of fact a complete opposite message is given. We need to be more humble, lowly, and put others interest above our own. We need to see ourselves in comparison to a holy, powerful, perfect, merciful, loving, majestic God. Compared to him we are but a vapor. Whenever I am struggling with depression and or anxiety, it is mostly to blame on being ungrateful, and self absorbed. The more we turn our thoughts outwards to others and to God, the less time we have to grovel and complain. If our whole strength, mind, and soul are loving God and others, we dont' have a lot of time to think "oh poor me".

Anyways, fast forward to today. That message that I carried with me through those very dark times probably never surfaced to the front of my mind, until this morning. And I was so overwhelmed with the truth that they held for me in that moment. I am not condemned, I am still chosen, I have hope in what is unseen, and nothing separates me from the love of God, because of my dear Christ Jesus.

I've often wondered if I would have gone to heaven if I had died during those years of walking after fleshly desires. I know that I had made a true decision to follow Jesus. I know that I had repented and asked Jesus to be Lord of my life. And I also know that we all fall short of God's glory. Does it matter how short? Doesn't Christ cover all our sins? Past, present and future? I mean, I still sin today. And all sin has the same consequences. Only God knows the true heart of a man. And underneath all of that ugliness, my heart still contained those words from Romans 8. And another favorite of mine: "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philipians 1:6.

I am so thankful to my God for not leaving me in that place. I am so thankful for not having the consequences that I deserved. And even more than that I am so thankful for the abundance of His blessings on my lfe, both temporal and eternal. He pulled me from that miry clay, gently washed away the filth, revealed my true heart, set my feet upon a Rock, and fanned the fire to my spirit once again.

E-mealz is da bomb!

For quite some time now, I have had a very strange and even unhealthy relationship with food. What I thought was a quest for healthy eating, has really become a spirit of fear, and a need for control. I "fed" myself as much information as I could find, about eating healthy, thinking that I could avoid my family or myself ever getting sick. Thanks to a new and dear friend (B to the K) I was able to recognize my choices were being made out of fear... not love. And in such a timely manner, this same friend introduced me to e-mealz.

E-mealz, is a menu planning system that allows you to, choose the grocery store that you shop at, puts to gether a weekly meal/recipe plan based on what is "on add", and creates a shopping list for you.

The time it would take to make up a menu plan, based on sale items, and create a shopping list, is reason enough to join up! As a homeschooling mom of four, my time is precious. I need to use it wisely. In less than five minutes, I had my week of meals planned out, and my shopping list printed and ready to go! Plus, the store I chose is only 12 minutes away. I had been driving about 40 minutes to three different specialty stores (all three in completely different directions) to find specific items, buying only organic, and fixing elaborate healthy meals with only the best ingredients. (Which btw.. my kids would NOT be excited about, or appreciate the time, effort, and pain that went into preparing them).


As I have mentioned before, we are not rich (material wise), and so I have been forced to look at new ways to save our family money. I have (against my husband's wishes) habitually over-spent at the grocery store for many years now. On average I spent around $300 a week on just groceries! This is no longer a feasible option for me. So, I took all my fears and need for control, and I laid them at Jesus' feet. God has really honored my desire to please my husband, be a good steward, and let go of fear, and has given me peace. Oh... and btw, I spent only $115.00 on groceries this week! The cost of e-mealz is only $5 a month, and I saved twice that in gas on my first trip.

My first trip to the grocery store was interesting. I had never been to this particular grocery store. And if I had, I would've made a bee line straight for the "health food section". (Which they did have, and which, on this particular occassion I bought absolutely nothing out of). The grocery list was organized into the different departments, so it was easy to follow. Plus I didn't stand there comparing prices and reading ingredients. The choices were made for me! It reminded me a little bit, like shopping off of a wedding or a baby shower registry. Anyways, the first trip to Kroger's was marked as a success. And when I got home, John was impressed with the bags and bags of food, and the small number on the receipt.

I fixed our first meal last night, and I will chalk it up as a definite success! My four year old, usually wanders around at dinnertime, coming back to the table only when threatened with death. Well, last night, he sat in his seat the entire time, shoved as much of this food into his mouth and said, as food came tumbling out, "mooooaaaaah" (translation "more"). ALL FOUR of my kids ate their dinner, and there was enough leftovers for lunch the next day. There are also enough ingredients from this meal left over to create breakfasts, lunches and snacks all week. This was the least stressful dinner we've had in awhile!

I can't believe how much time, money and stress I've already saved using this program. And I had a pretty organized system, (considering my system was so extremely involved). Check it out, for yourself. I posted a link on my website. If you decide to join when you click on the link, I actually get credit! (To all my west coast peeps, the only grocery store you will recognize is Wal-Mart).

Bon Apetit!

There is Joy in the "Mourning"

My sister and I have this long standing joke between us, that I think is pretty funny. It goes somthing like "Money can't buy you happiness, but it's alot more fun to cry in a Mercedes than a Pinto!" The strange thing is, I have looked back at my life and seen so much more happiness in the financially trying times, than the times of financial security.

Recently we have been going through a time of financial difficulty. And during my quiet time this morning, a lot of positive things came to mind. Things that probably would not have happened without the struggle. I cried out to God a lot more often than usual. I exercised and strengthened my faith and my hope in Him. I was able to put my trust in Him, and watch Him pull me through. I felt His presence. I was offered a P.E. job, that I am sure is His plan for me. And so I accepted, even though my qualifications are sketchy at best! I received an unexpected and perfectly timed gift of charity from a brother and sister in Christ. We cancelled our cable (HALLELUJAH!!!). And I experienced gratitude and thankfulness in what I would normally have taken for granted. For me without the sorrows in life, I really don't even experience the joy.

It's kind of like living in Arizona (stay with me), where everyday you wake up to perfection and sunshine, and you sort of get sick of it. For me, I need the sunshine to disappear for a time. I need the rains to come. The thunders to shake. The lightning to flash and confound! I need the seasons fall, winter, spring, summer, boredom, sadness, contentment, and joy. Dying, death, resurrection, new life.

I have heard it said that "it is easier to trust God in times of happiness and joy", and for me, this just isn't true. When the things of this world sustain me, I forget about God. And when the things of this world fail me, I turn to God to sustain me. I hope for a maturity of faith that is strong in both times of plenty and in times of want. Like Paul. Whenever I realize my faith is wavering or I am in a season of doubt. I know that times of trouble will come. It's a scary thing for me to pray for more faith. But I have to go back to the promise that this life is but a vapor. And that eternal life will outshine our pains and sorrows. I will never shed another tear. (Does that sound boring to anyone else?? That is a whole other post).

Oh that He will change the "joy in the mourning" to the "joy in the morning".

He will make your path straight

Today as I drove to Heritage Hills Baptist Church to sign up my kids for their homeschool co-op classes, I asked God one last time "How am I going to pay for this?" Things have been really tight lately, and we have been barely getting by. My dear husband has been working so so hard, but with a commission only sales job in this economy, making ends meet is a challenge. I have been wondering if maybe God had forgotten about us a little bit. However, what has come out of this less than ideal circumstance has been so much more profitable than if I had been able to just cut a check without a second thought.

It all started in AZ when I was done with a Zumba class that a man named Seth came up to me and asked me to become a certified Zumba instructor myself, and pick up a class to teach. I got certified November 7th or 8th, can't remember, doesn't matter, and I started teaching at the Community Center nearby and I built a clientele that I loved and who loved me back.

I shortly thereafter packed up w/ my family and moved to Georgia, landing in a little place called Conyers. By now, I was in love with teaching Zumba, and I was hoping to find a gym that would take me on. I had invested a lot into it as well, and I didn't want all the time, effort, and money to go to waste. As I lay in bed one night praying about it, God put into my mind that I should call the local dance studios to see if I could rent space, and start my own Zumba classes. This worked out fantastically, and I found a wonderful place where they have been so very generous and helpful in getting my classes off the ground. My classes have been getting bigger, and I have met some wonderful people that are taking my classes. Recently one of the ladies invited me to attend their church.

Up until this point, we had been attending a Calvary Chapel that was fine, but not where we would land for good. I had known for awhile that we were led to that church so that I could find my dear friend Rebekah. And so I was now ready to look for a church HOME. I hate church shopping, and I equally hate the critical spirit it fosters in me, so I was avoiding the whole situation, until thankfully Bekah, (from my class) nvited me to her church. I had been invited by numerous people to church, but didn't really feel the desire to make the move from where we were... until this moment.

So, in total Chaundra fashion I did a little internet research on Rockdale Community Church so I could analyze the situation. It turned out that our kids 5 and up have to sit with us in church. Feeling a little deflated, I decided not to mention it again to John and pray. If God wanted us to go there, then John would miraculously bring it up himself. If any of you know me at all, this was virtually an impossible task. I got a little sneaky by mentioning this exciting new church to the girls, hoping they would bring it up to daddy, but strangely enough, it went in one ear and out the other. So, I just bit my tongue, and waited to see what would happen. Normally, I would be talking to John about it every five minutes and making him listen to online sermons and badgering him constantly, so John took this silence as me being no longer interested in going to this church. I was so frustrated!! Come Sunday morning, I got up extra early (this church started an hour earlier) and I got myself and everyone ready. John became puzzled by this and said "Don't we have like two hours 'til we leave for church?" Now I was stuck. I wanted this to be his idea... But I could stand it no longer! "Well.... we were invited to that other church..." And just like that he was totally on board.

The worship was inspired and simple, the sermon was MEATY!!! Almost TOO meaty! It lasted for over an hour! (The girls got pretty squirmy in their seats). However there was one very special moment. Before the sermon started, the church prays together corporately from their seat. Anyone that has a praise or a request just speaks up. Blaze nudges me and whispers to me "I want to pray" At first I almost say "No!" But thankfully I just nod my head like, if you want to. So as soon as the person praying finishes she starts praying. She prays for people's anger, their lost jobs, that the people in this place will know God. Her words are strong and clear and poetic. She speaks with such urgency and compassion. It is so real. I stifle a sob as best as I can. I am moved so deeply I am not even sure what I am feeling. How did this little girl become so brave and bold for Christ. I am sure of one thing, she is amazing... in spite of me... she is amazing. The whole experience here has been so wonderful, I am feeling like this is the place for our family. I am definitely excited to go back.

So, fast forward to today where I am wondering about finances. I had decided the day before that I was going to just move forward with my plan to sign the girls up for the co-op and trust that God will provide, or I will ask for a little more time to pay the fee. I was hoping that when I showed up for my Zumba class that morning, that I would have a bunch of new people, or returning people that were buying a new bundle of classes. When that didn't happen, I just trusted that there would be another way. But I still thought that "other way" would be something like a post dated check.

I arrive at the church, and the girls watch a super cool collie dog trick/stunt show while I acquaint myself with the facilitator Tracee. She lets me know that there is something she "needs to talk to me about". This always raises a red flag with me, because I am usually in some kind of trouble. But as Tracee starts talking I start becoming aware that God is answering my prayer... and I am now a PE teacher for the co-op, which entitles me to FREE tuition!! My heart is so overwhelmed with humility and gratitude. I am laughing from relief, surprise, and excitement. Never in a million years would I have volunteered for this position. But God had placed me on Tracee's heart, and she was hoping that I would consider it! Consider it? Where's my whistle??

After the initial excitement died down I managed to fill out my registration form and make some conversation with the lady standing next to me. Somehow the conversation flows to "what church do you go to" and I sort of gush a little about this new church that I tried out the day before. She asks me what church and when I tell her, a huge grin spreads across her face, that is where SHE goes to church. Her daughter and mine get on quite well, and she informs me that a really nice homeschooling family lives nearby us. As a matter of fact, the man that spoke on the Sunday is the husband/father of this family. And they also have a daughter near Blaze's age. I am almost unable to contain the deep gratitude I am feeling towards God. He comes through. He always does. And it's not always in ways that you expect... or even want Him to. But He comes through. He hadn't forgotten me after all...


As I drove away, I thought about the sermon I had heard on Sunday.. or rather a nugget of the sermon I had heard. God had just put the Egyptian army in the Red Sea. He had exercised His power over water molecules and had parted that vast body of water to let the Children of Israel through, and then had closed it back up again to swallow their enemies. Not long later the Israelites begin to doubt their ability to take the promised land as their own. The cities are fortified and the people are giant after all. What could God do to help them now? It all seems so silly to me, but I know I am like that too. Am I going to be like that now? Am I going to think that God miraculously worked out the details to bring me to this place and then He will just abandon me? Maybe, I will toy with that idea. I am after all human, and not even all that fancy and mature as far as humans go. But in this moment I am at peace. And since this morning, I have been able to think on the magnitude of this commitment that I have made. (PE TEACHER??) I need to continue to stand on His promises. God will equip me to do this work that he has called me to do! He will lead me to the right places, people, thoughts and websites. So.. again... where's my whistle??

Weego

If any of you have ever had the pleasure of meeting Lock, than you have probably also met his sidekick, "Weego", the absolute LOVE of Lock's life. You might find it hard to understand his undying devotion to the blue stuffed whale, but for some mysterious reason, he wanted him at first sight. We were in line at Kohl's and he pointed at Weego and said "I want that" in a voice so sweet, I unquestioningly laid down my 5 bucks for him. (I know screamin' deal... right??)Normally, I don't give in to my child's every whim. But it just seemed right. And from that moment on, they have been inseparable. I , myself never had a favorite blanky or stuffed animal, and my other children didn't experience this level of devotion to theirs. I, basically, forced John's ugly green blanket, that was his as a baby, on Blaze, and she eventually was conditioned to want to sleep with it. But I had almost nothing to do with Lock and Weego.

Oh how does he love Weego? Let me count the ways:

1. Weego is Lock's sleeping buddy. Even if he accidentally falls asleep without it, we better sneak him in at some point, because Lock senses when he isn't there and wakes up screaming for him.
2. Weego is Lock's wrestling buddy. Yes, I said 'wresting buddy'. He actually wrestles him!
3. Weego is Lock's own personal clown. Not a day goes by that Lock doesn't tell me, "Weego is funny".
4. Weego is Lock's love. Now Lock has only told me he loves me once. And this was after I asked. But Weego.... Oh no... Weego is given daily if not hourly affirmations of Lock's love.
5. Weego is Lock's napkin. I wondered once why Weego needed to be washed so often, and then I noticed that Lock has him with him at meal times and wipes his face on him.

Numerous times in the day I hear Lock whisper in Weego's "ear" 'You are so cute' and then tells me, 'Weego's so cute'.

(I interrupt this post for a very important update!!! Lock just told me he loved me for the very first time... unsolicited! My heart melted. However, I am still no Weego).

John and I have had a few conversations about what life would be like if there was no Weego. (Not if we lost him, just if they never found each other. I know this is sounding strange, but this is what our conversation is about). They were so obviously meant to find each other.

That conversation usually leads to a related one about what if we did lose him!! And the thought of losing Weego was so frightening to John and I that we did an ebay search for one. We found him, and promptly won the auction. When he arrived in the mail, we were shocked at how different Weego looks now, from when he was brand new. Looks like we might need to run him over a few times if we ever needed to make Lock believe that this is the real Weego.

The new Weego came with a Dr. Seus book "If I ran the Circus". Apparently, Weego is the blue whale in the story. Lock carried that book around for two days, and no one was allowed to touch it. Finally the other night when Lock was asleep, I got a chance to read it, and was shocked to find out that one of the main character's names is "SneedLOCK". Crazy coincidence??? I think not. This is a match made in heaven.

Walking around in Darkness

I recently joined this really cool website called "Splink". They send some super cool ideas on how to do family devotionals. This week we are going to learn about walking around in darkness vs. walking around in light. Trying to make our way w/ a blindfold on, vs. being able to see where we are going. There are some fun games we will play, and I'm really excited about it.

Not coincidentally, I am dealing w/ some family issues about letting some very dark areas in our lives come into the light. Is it ok to let those things surface if it is going to cause pain to those that are to blame? Have you ever seen those charts at the doctor's office that asks you to rate your pain? 1 being a smiley face 10 being a very uncomfortable crying face? My sisters and I have been walking through our lives at somewhere around a 10 most of our childhood and part of our adult lives. Well, I can say for myself, and I believe they feel the same, we are done letting the darkness live on in our lives any longer. We have gradually shed light in areas of ours lives until there is no more darkness remaining. Why should the innocent bare the pain for the guilty? Someday, my kids will need to make their peace with me, because I am not a perfect mom. And I will take responsibity. And I will do what it takes to make it all better, because I would give my life for my kids.

I am a person that needs truth. I am a person that needs to shed light in darkness. I will not be defined by the darkness of my past, but by the Light. The one True Light, my sweet Jesus. The truth will set us free. It will free me up to have authentic relationships. I'm not interested in any other kind. I care about how this whole process makes others feels, but that doesn't mean I will protect them from it. It isn't about revenge, it is about healing.

Family is such an amazing creation. What a wonderful opportunity to love people that you didn't choose. What a wonderful place to show grace and forgiveness. There is nothing that I can do to change the blood that runs through my veins. But by the grace of God I have been adopted into a royal family that brings me the joy and acceptance I never got from my biological one.

Thanks to my dear dear sisters. They are so much more to me than family. If we were not born in the same family I would choose you. If I could line up all the big and little sisters in the world, I would choose Yvette and Koreen.

I hope that what comes out of all these ashes is a new fire. A fire that will purify us all from the tarnish of our past, and make us like gold. And I hope that in the light that comes from truth, we will shine.

Dear Annonymous Homeschool Alumni

As much as my own school at home does not reflect your own experience, I am not writing to invalidate you or your thoughts and feelings. They are yours, and they are real for you. I am sorry for you and for your parents. To be under authoritative controlling manipulative authority is difficult, especially when you are only a child, and those causing you pain are the people in your life that are supposed to be loving and protecting you. I'm sorry that your parents used discipline to manipulate you into behaving a certain way, instead of capturing your precious heart. Our parents are human, they make mistakes. I know this first hand. My experience as a child was filled with abuses of every kind. However, forgiveness is the only remedy for your pain. Bitterness will kill only you. And maybe, your parents, just like mine, did the best they could.

If you could meet my family you wouldn't feel sorry for us. My husband is anything but authoritative, and I am anything but a doormat. My role as the submissive wife is not my strong suit! My children are so incredible. My oldest, Blaze, is breathtaking, and I'm not talking about her physical beauty. Although she is not short on that either! Her passion for learning, and her insatiable love of reading plus her tender heart makes her the best big sister and oldest daughter anyone could ask for. Shade, my second oldest, may be small, but she has a large capacity to love. When she is in the room, everyone is smiling. Not only because she is cute as a button, but because she is a real commedienne. Making people of all ages laugh, is no problem for her. Then there is Echo. There is almost no words to describe him. He is Wild at Heart. The word "obstacle" doesn't exist in his vocabulary, not because he is four, but because nothing stops him. He is a born leader. And last but certainly not least, our sweet adorable little lock. He is our little prince baby to love and dote on. He is so very easy to love, he is so darn lovable!!!

As much as someone can take heed from an annonymous (and so obviously bitter) naysayer, I have. And my choice to homeschool was not born out of fear and won't be changed by fear either. My heart is ruled by peace. And now that I have discovered the fast rate that Blaze learns, the inability for Shade to focus, and the unusual methods Echo needs in order to learn, I am so so glad that I do school them at home. I know so much about the people that they are, and they are incredible individuals. And I am so sensitive to their incredible potential. I'm not sure I would know all of this about them if I didn't spend the day with them. I am so thankful just to know them.

Also, for a list of famous successful homeschooled persons, all you have to do is google it. The list is long and their successes are large. I actually have to look no farther than a few of my dear friends houses. Their kids have grown into these amazing human beings, that I would encourage my kids to look up to anyday.

I hope you can look back on your painful past experiences and see the blessings that they were to you. I hope you can take that pain that you felt from your parents' decisions and turn it into joy. I hope you find forgiveness. I hope you don't let anger rule in your heart.

Blessings to you annonymous homeschool alumni. My prayers are with you.

Home School Freedoms

Well, I just discovered how much the Georgia government has got it's little hands in my sweet little school at home! I have to write a letter of intent every year, send in a monthly attendance record to the superintendant, my kids need to have "grades", and I need to have them tested every three years starting at 3rd grade. Testing and labeling.....

I have mixed feeling about all of this. The first one is, very overwhelmed! In AZ all we had to do was write one, meaning a SINGLE, letter of intent, at anytime, notarized. And that was it. Now that is freedom!

The second emotion I have is outrage. Homeschooling, when left alone, has proven over and over to be a wonderful form of eduction. It is so frustrating, when what we do naturally is structured to fit the form so many homeschoolers strive to get away from! Even though I myself am not an unschooler, I have seen that even that philosophy of learning can flourish.


The third emotion is, compliance. If the masses need to be mollified with proof that we are actually doing something productive with our days, then I guess that will have to be fine. As long as I retain my right to school my kids in my own home, and choose my own curriculum, I will comply! And since we aren't required to send in any other information besides a letter of intent and (I think??) the monthly attendance record, this will all just serve the purpose of seeing how well I am doing at schooling the Anderson clan at home.

For now, I won't revolt!

Resumen de Mexico

Cancun Mexico 2010:

Valium and drool sleeping on the plane (there and back), a romantic dinner for two at a French restaurant with (ironically) the best food of the whole trip, getting a beautiful silver bracelet from a new friend, blow drying my hair in 15 second increments (overheating blowdryer, hotel issued), dancing in the hot sweaty club de baile (could they not invest in a single fan??), Mango Margaritas starting at breakfast, white silky sand (that somehow ended up in the bed... and everywhere else!!), water the color of imagination, our own (mostly) private pool on our back doorstep, cigars and menthols, standing in the ocean feeding wild fish tortilla chips, running for my life screaming my head off because said fish starting lookin at me like I was a tortilla chip, swimming in the ocean, sitting on Pancho the bewildered donkey with a bag tied to his bottom to catch wayward poo, rediscovering John, coatis and iguanas, loving the Lombardis, drinking the water (with much regrets), never once calling home (scaring the crap out of everyone... sorry), buying junk so my family knew I was thinking about them (even if they didn't get a single phone call), losing my giant diamond earring, never once leaving the resort, sunburns sunscreen and sunglasses, eating and eating and eating again (gotta love those all inclusive vacations!), lost luggage, having the time of my life and at the same time so glad to go home.

Poor Poor Pancho...

We seriously look like movie stars from the '60s!

We love the Lombardis!!

Me and John at the romantic dinner at the French restaurant in Cancun.

Me and John taking pictures of ourselves at the beach. Having no idea about the "zoom" feature on our Droid.

Our "back porch" at the Secrets Moroma Resort.

Me and John on the beach.

He is in the Whisper

I am reading through the Bible in a year, and although it has been a challenge, it has also been more than worth the efforts. My love for God's Word has increased by much and I am reading things that never really get touched on in a Sunday morning service. Things that Beth Moore will probably never write a bible study about. There is so much I have never noticed or heard of before, and as a student of God's Word for the last 21 years, (minus a hiatus of about 4 to 6 years) that surprises me! Not that I think I am some sort of "Biblical Scholar", I certainly do not! I'm just shocked at the amount of stories I do not recognize AT ALL! So, I highly recommend this goal.

Today as I was reading about the "god off" (think dance off or sing off) between Elijah and the prophets of Baal, I asked God if he would perform a miracle like that today. I pictured me in my head, telling all my friends that are unbelievers that I could ask God to perform a miracle with fire. I pictured myself fretting all day, wondering if God would show up. I found myself sure that the project would fail. Then I wondered what this meant about God, not to mention my obviously complete lack of faith. Doesn't believing that God could and would do something earth shattering, make it happen?? The Bible says that the faith the size of a mustard seed could move mountains! Sounds pretty earthshattering to me. But it also says not to test God. And here, like in so many other ways, God is once again outside the reach of my human comprehension.

Besides falling in love with God's word, and finding out how much I have never heard, I am also forming lots and lots of questions. I am not, however, losing faith by questioning, I am gaining faith. In the book The Knowledge of the Holy, A.W. Tozer writes "These forget that their whole life is enshrouded in mystery. They fail to consider that any real explanation of even the simplest phenomenon in nature lies hidden in obscurity and can no more be explained than can the mystery of the Godhead". Or really any inexplicable mystery of God. He goes on to say "This world after all our science and sciences, is still a miracle; wonderful, inscrutable, magical and more, to whosoever will think of it..... We cover our deep ignorance with words, but we are ashamed to wonder, we are afraid to whisper "mystery."

So, back to my "god off". Would God make a showing? I don't know (and I'm not planning to test my theory). But I continued to wonder, and so I continued reading. And as is the case with God's Word, the majority of the time, the best commentary on the Bible is the Bible itself! In 1 Kings after the fire of God consumed the offering, God speaks with Elijah and this is what He says: "'Go out and stand on the mount before the LORD' And behold the LORD passed by, and a great wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper."

It doesn't mean that God is absent if He doesn't perform earthshattering miracles in our lives. He is present in our lives like the whisper of a loving mother to her newborn child, like the whisper of a man to his young bride, like the whisper of the wind through the leaves in the trees. A whisper doesn't force our attention. However it does require stillness and quiet to receive it. So my question became, will I be still and hear His whisper?

Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God..."

Atlanta so far...so good

Well, we've been here a couple of months, spent two holidays here (Easter and Echo's birthday) and have almost completely unpacked. I wonder if I will ever get around to unpacking my scrapbook stuff before we have to move again. A lot has happened in the short time we've been here. Blaze learned to ride her bike, Shade made a new best friend (Echo), Echo turned four, and Lock was attacked by red ants! (which apparently are black?), we have found a church, I have found a soul sister, I have started my own private Zumba classes (successfully!), John has been kicking booty at work, we have made nice w/ the neighbors, spent quality time w/ my mom and Cedric, discovered the most wonderful Farmer's Market in the world, and have just been on the receiving end of good ol' Southern hospitality!! This place is like a cold glass of water when your thirsty. This place feels comfortable. This place brings a sense of contentment. This place is becoming home.

Capture Your Child's Heart

I was driving home from Zumba the other night, listening to the radio, and I was reminded of literally the best parenting advice I have ever been given. This little piece of advice can spill over into any and all situations. It is simply "Pursue your little ones heart, until you take it captive".

Sometimes a person is blessed with a child whose conscience guides them. And those children will be compliant with you when you are there as well as when you are absent. But most times our kids have sinful natures that win the battle between spirit and flesh. Well, when our little sweethearts love us and remember our kindnesses, they are more likely to respect and obey us whether we are present or not. So, if their sweet little hearts are devoted to us, the things we teach them will reach places they wouldn't normally. And when they go, they will take the values, morals, and spiritual teachings with them. And the day will come when they go.

The Bible says that we love God because of His kindnesses, and because He first loved us. God pursues us and pursues us. And even when we act like a wayward wife.... He pursues us some more. So when can spank, fill out charts, yell, reason, ground, and create the most structured environment on earth, and if we do it all without the goal to captivate our child.... we are just a resounding gong to them. As much as having a child with a "perfect" outward behavior sounds wonderful, it is all useless if we haven't reached their inward parts. This isn't to say, ditch all discipline! Sometimes the kindest way to respond, is with a good ol' fashioned swat on the toosh! But with every act of discipline the Holy Spirit needs to be there along every step of the way to guide us and fill us with His Fruit. I was told once by a very wise mommy, "Camp out in Proverbs when your kids are little." (Meaning memorize as many Proverbs as you can, and integrate them in your parenting decisions ) And also "PRAY!"



Now I must include that the final goal is, of course, that they would be captivated by their Father in heaven. But we have been given the opportunity to play an integral part in that. And because we have been given the exact children we were supposed to. Or in other words, our children have been given the exact parents they were supposed to, we can be rest assured that we are the right ones for that amazing job! I have felt much conviction from this message. Pondering my every action, "Am I driving them away from me? Or drawing them near?" And there are definitely those moments that I know I have messed up. But I have also been encouraged that parenting can be dissolved into such a simple goal, just capture their heart..... their precious little heart.

"Clean Your Fridge Out" Spaghetti Sauce (and hide some veggies so kids eat 'em)

I sneak a bunch of veggies in this sauce! And no one is the wiser....
2 Tbsp Olive Oil
1Tbsp Dried Oregano or several sprigs of fresh
1/2 Tbsp Dried basil and thyme or several sprigs of fresh
1 tsp red pepper flakes
2-3 Carrots
2-3 Celery1 Onion
4 Garlic cloves
2 Zuchinni1
Red Bell Pepper (or any color, but red makes the sauce redder!)
2 Cans of Italian Stewed Tomatoes
1 Can of Tomato Paste
1/3 Cup Red Wine
1 Tbsp Worcestershire Sauce
1 Jar of good quality Spaghetti sauc
e2-3 Cups of Beef Broth (veggie or chicken would work)
2 # Ground Beef or Italian Sausage (or both!)
Salt and Pepper (no salt with Italian Sausage... or to taste)
Process all veggies in food processor until well blended and like a sauce. Heat oil and add herbs to oil. Add veggies and cook for a several minutes. Blend can of tomatoes in processor and add to pot. Add the rest of the ingredients except meat. Meanwhile brown meat in separate frying pan and add to sauce when no longer pink. Cover and let simmer for 1-3 hours. Salt and Pepper to taste... and Yum! I make this last for a spaghetti dinner and a lasagna.

Just Some Tid Bits

Here are some funny little happenings from today that I thought were worth sharing. I will tell them in order of how they happened.

First, while I was on the phone with a friend, I saw Echo inconspicuously walk into the kitchen with his pants and underwear around his ankles. If you are asking how anyone can manage to do that in any way but a conspicuous manner, my reply would be, you just have to know my son. When a few seconds later, I heard what sounded like water trickling into some sort of container. I decided to investigate the situation, only to find my sweet little man peeing into a drinking glass. He left the kitchen heading for the bathroom with his urine, which I assumed would be dumped into it's proper receptacle. However, later I learned from John that he had handed it to John. And John thinking it was water went to take a sip. Echo yelled "NO DAD!! It's pee!!"

At some point today I was having a conversation with Blaze about calories, and how they keep you alive. And I mentioned that I burn a lot of calories at Zumba, and I haven't been consuming enough. About an hour later, she asks me, "Does milk have calories in it?" and I responded that it does. And she brings me a glass of milk and says "Here mom, drink this." She is such a sweet sensitive spirit, and I love that about her. But she can also be a bit of a worrier. I have to be careful what I say to her. A few hours later I found her almost in tears in the playroom stressing about a cartoon that just revealed to her that watching TV will ruin your eyes. With some reassurance she is feeling much better now.

Lock has been walking around all day uttering, yelling, screeching, whining, or just casually saying his newest phrase, "NO WAY!" It's especially cute when he pairs it with what he now calls me, "No Way Honey!" He had a great time making "mud pies" today with Shade and Echo. The only problem was, as their water boy, he would come in the house to refill his muddy filthy cup, take several large gulps and head out the door to bring his siblings the rest. Can you say probiotics??

Shade just announced that she had to go to the bathroom. So she picked up the dog and started heading towards said direction. When I questioned her about what part the dog was playing in her trip to the loo. She simply said "He likes to come with me." She is quite the mystery that one.

So although I have been mostly bedridden with strep throat for a couple of days, I haven't been bored!!

This is just a little something Echo built me today. I was resting on the couch and he says "Mom, come and see this!" I was so amazed I had to take a picture. Notice the bowl of balls as the "finishing touch".

Zumba!!!!!!!

One of the many reasons I believe God had us move here to AZ, was to have the fitness director at our community center convince me to become a certified Zumba instructor. This whole experience has enriched my life in so many ways. Zumba is great exercise, a wonderful creative outlet, a place to make friends, and uses two of my favorite forms of art- music and dancing. I have learned the rhythms of salsa, meringue, cumbia and reggaeton. I have also learned some African, hip hop, belly dancing, bollywood, and bhangra. I am so grateful to have found a passion that brings so many positive aspects to my life. I also get to inspire others to creatively express themselves, while at the same time they have fun, shed the stresses of life, and a few pounds to boot!! And as many of you know, I love fashion, and the fun clothes I get to wear is certainly a great big plus!

These are photos of me and my two "zumba pals" Carisa, and Rachel. We went to a Phoenix Suns game and did a master class together during half-time. We weren't the show or anything, so they really missed out!! :) I think the class would've went much better, except I had a beer, polish sausage, and giant cookie shake goin on in my belly!! UUGGGHHH!!! Friends don't let friends eat and zumba....

One of us is booty and the other is poppin'. From the looks of everyone else, I think I was doing opposite of what I was supposed to. But hey, look at those muscles... I was committed!!

To Blog or Not to Blog... Is this a title I used before??

I never make the time anymore to sit down and do something I deeply love, write down my thoughts. I'm so very thankful for the many many journals I have filled full of poetry, stories, and thoughts of all kinds. I love the feeling of nostalgia. I love remembering. So why haven't I been writing more? Well, for one, by the time I can sit down and write I am dog tired. All I want to do is snuggle up to John on the couch, watch trashy t.v. and eat forbidden foods!! For another, where many words are present, sin is also. I love the proverb that says something like: even a fool is thought to be wise as long as he doesn't open his mouth. So many people blogging about what they think about this or that thing. Sometimes not even thinking about how their words can be affecting another. I know I have stuck my mouse in my mouth a few times in cyberspace!! And last, I just haven't really felt like I had anything to say. I have felt much like this desert place that I am living. Thirsty, dry, barren, and empty. Of course if you look closely there is much beauty here. And I haven't felt much like looking closely... at anything.

I think another experience I am having right now would be something of a limbo of sorts. We are moving again. This time to the other side of the U.S. We have pulled ourselves and our children out of almost all of our activities, packed up many of our possessions, withheld ourselves from committing to serving at church, and are barely doing a full day of school. I am going down to only three days of teaching zumba, to make the transition easier at the community center. And I feel a distance already with some of the friends that I have made here. All of this must, in some way, serve to protect ourselves from the pain of saying goodbye. But at the same time, we are missing out on so much life! I obviously can't sign the girls up for any dance classes, piano lessons, or choirs, but we can serve at church, spend our last days with dear friends, and be totally present to this day that the Lord has gifted us with.

That's my story... and I may or may not stick to it.