He will make your path straight

Today as I drove to Heritage Hills Baptist Church to sign up my kids for their homeschool co-op classes, I asked God one last time "How am I going to pay for this?" Things have been really tight lately, and we have been barely getting by. My dear husband has been working so so hard, but with a commission only sales job in this economy, making ends meet is a challenge. I have been wondering if maybe God had forgotten about us a little bit. However, what has come out of this less than ideal circumstance has been so much more profitable than if I had been able to just cut a check without a second thought.

It all started in AZ when I was done with a Zumba class that a man named Seth came up to me and asked me to become a certified Zumba instructor myself, and pick up a class to teach. I got certified November 7th or 8th, can't remember, doesn't matter, and I started teaching at the Community Center nearby and I built a clientele that I loved and who loved me back.

I shortly thereafter packed up w/ my family and moved to Georgia, landing in a little place called Conyers. By now, I was in love with teaching Zumba, and I was hoping to find a gym that would take me on. I had invested a lot into it as well, and I didn't want all the time, effort, and money to go to waste. As I lay in bed one night praying about it, God put into my mind that I should call the local dance studios to see if I could rent space, and start my own Zumba classes. This worked out fantastically, and I found a wonderful place where they have been so very generous and helpful in getting my classes off the ground. My classes have been getting bigger, and I have met some wonderful people that are taking my classes. Recently one of the ladies invited me to attend their church.

Up until this point, we had been attending a Calvary Chapel that was fine, but not where we would land for good. I had known for awhile that we were led to that church so that I could find my dear friend Rebekah. And so I was now ready to look for a church HOME. I hate church shopping, and I equally hate the critical spirit it fosters in me, so I was avoiding the whole situation, until thankfully Bekah, (from my class) nvited me to her church. I had been invited by numerous people to church, but didn't really feel the desire to make the move from where we were... until this moment.

So, in total Chaundra fashion I did a little internet research on Rockdale Community Church so I could analyze the situation. It turned out that our kids 5 and up have to sit with us in church. Feeling a little deflated, I decided not to mention it again to John and pray. If God wanted us to go there, then John would miraculously bring it up himself. If any of you know me at all, this was virtually an impossible task. I got a little sneaky by mentioning this exciting new church to the girls, hoping they would bring it up to daddy, but strangely enough, it went in one ear and out the other. So, I just bit my tongue, and waited to see what would happen. Normally, I would be talking to John about it every five minutes and making him listen to online sermons and badgering him constantly, so John took this silence as me being no longer interested in going to this church. I was so frustrated!! Come Sunday morning, I got up extra early (this church started an hour earlier) and I got myself and everyone ready. John became puzzled by this and said "Don't we have like two hours 'til we leave for church?" Now I was stuck. I wanted this to be his idea... But I could stand it no longer! "Well.... we were invited to that other church..." And just like that he was totally on board.

The worship was inspired and simple, the sermon was MEATY!!! Almost TOO meaty! It lasted for over an hour! (The girls got pretty squirmy in their seats). However there was one very special moment. Before the sermon started, the church prays together corporately from their seat. Anyone that has a praise or a request just speaks up. Blaze nudges me and whispers to me "I want to pray" At first I almost say "No!" But thankfully I just nod my head like, if you want to. So as soon as the person praying finishes she starts praying. She prays for people's anger, their lost jobs, that the people in this place will know God. Her words are strong and clear and poetic. She speaks with such urgency and compassion. It is so real. I stifle a sob as best as I can. I am moved so deeply I am not even sure what I am feeling. How did this little girl become so brave and bold for Christ. I am sure of one thing, she is amazing... in spite of me... she is amazing. The whole experience here has been so wonderful, I am feeling like this is the place for our family. I am definitely excited to go back.

So, fast forward to today where I am wondering about finances. I had decided the day before that I was going to just move forward with my plan to sign the girls up for the co-op and trust that God will provide, or I will ask for a little more time to pay the fee. I was hoping that when I showed up for my Zumba class that morning, that I would have a bunch of new people, or returning people that were buying a new bundle of classes. When that didn't happen, I just trusted that there would be another way. But I still thought that "other way" would be something like a post dated check.

I arrive at the church, and the girls watch a super cool collie dog trick/stunt show while I acquaint myself with the facilitator Tracee. She lets me know that there is something she "needs to talk to me about". This always raises a red flag with me, because I am usually in some kind of trouble. But as Tracee starts talking I start becoming aware that God is answering my prayer... and I am now a PE teacher for the co-op, which entitles me to FREE tuition!! My heart is so overwhelmed with humility and gratitude. I am laughing from relief, surprise, and excitement. Never in a million years would I have volunteered for this position. But God had placed me on Tracee's heart, and she was hoping that I would consider it! Consider it? Where's my whistle??

After the initial excitement died down I managed to fill out my registration form and make some conversation with the lady standing next to me. Somehow the conversation flows to "what church do you go to" and I sort of gush a little about this new church that I tried out the day before. She asks me what church and when I tell her, a huge grin spreads across her face, that is where SHE goes to church. Her daughter and mine get on quite well, and she informs me that a really nice homeschooling family lives nearby us. As a matter of fact, the man that spoke on the Sunday is the husband/father of this family. And they also have a daughter near Blaze's age. I am almost unable to contain the deep gratitude I am feeling towards God. He comes through. He always does. And it's not always in ways that you expect... or even want Him to. But He comes through. He hadn't forgotten me after all...


As I drove away, I thought about the sermon I had heard on Sunday.. or rather a nugget of the sermon I had heard. God had just put the Egyptian army in the Red Sea. He had exercised His power over water molecules and had parted that vast body of water to let the Children of Israel through, and then had closed it back up again to swallow their enemies. Not long later the Israelites begin to doubt their ability to take the promised land as their own. The cities are fortified and the people are giant after all. What could God do to help them now? It all seems so silly to me, but I know I am like that too. Am I going to be like that now? Am I going to think that God miraculously worked out the details to bring me to this place and then He will just abandon me? Maybe, I will toy with that idea. I am after all human, and not even all that fancy and mature as far as humans go. But in this moment I am at peace. And since this morning, I have been able to think on the magnitude of this commitment that I have made. (PE TEACHER??) I need to continue to stand on His promises. God will equip me to do this work that he has called me to do! He will lead me to the right places, people, thoughts and websites. So.. again... where's my whistle??

Weego

If any of you have ever had the pleasure of meeting Lock, than you have probably also met his sidekick, "Weego", the absolute LOVE of Lock's life. You might find it hard to understand his undying devotion to the blue stuffed whale, but for some mysterious reason, he wanted him at first sight. We were in line at Kohl's and he pointed at Weego and said "I want that" in a voice so sweet, I unquestioningly laid down my 5 bucks for him. (I know screamin' deal... right??)Normally, I don't give in to my child's every whim. But it just seemed right. And from that moment on, they have been inseparable. I , myself never had a favorite blanky or stuffed animal, and my other children didn't experience this level of devotion to theirs. I, basically, forced John's ugly green blanket, that was his as a baby, on Blaze, and she eventually was conditioned to want to sleep with it. But I had almost nothing to do with Lock and Weego.

Oh how does he love Weego? Let me count the ways:

1. Weego is Lock's sleeping buddy. Even if he accidentally falls asleep without it, we better sneak him in at some point, because Lock senses when he isn't there and wakes up screaming for him.
2. Weego is Lock's wrestling buddy. Yes, I said 'wresting buddy'. He actually wrestles him!
3. Weego is Lock's own personal clown. Not a day goes by that Lock doesn't tell me, "Weego is funny".
4. Weego is Lock's love. Now Lock has only told me he loves me once. And this was after I asked. But Weego.... Oh no... Weego is given daily if not hourly affirmations of Lock's love.
5. Weego is Lock's napkin. I wondered once why Weego needed to be washed so often, and then I noticed that Lock has him with him at meal times and wipes his face on him.

Numerous times in the day I hear Lock whisper in Weego's "ear" 'You are so cute' and then tells me, 'Weego's so cute'.

(I interrupt this post for a very important update!!! Lock just told me he loved me for the very first time... unsolicited! My heart melted. However, I am still no Weego).

John and I have had a few conversations about what life would be like if there was no Weego. (Not if we lost him, just if they never found each other. I know this is sounding strange, but this is what our conversation is about). They were so obviously meant to find each other.

That conversation usually leads to a related one about what if we did lose him!! And the thought of losing Weego was so frightening to John and I that we did an ebay search for one. We found him, and promptly won the auction. When he arrived in the mail, we were shocked at how different Weego looks now, from when he was brand new. Looks like we might need to run him over a few times if we ever needed to make Lock believe that this is the real Weego.

The new Weego came with a Dr. Seus book "If I ran the Circus". Apparently, Weego is the blue whale in the story. Lock carried that book around for two days, and no one was allowed to touch it. Finally the other night when Lock was asleep, I got a chance to read it, and was shocked to find out that one of the main character's names is "SneedLOCK". Crazy coincidence??? I think not. This is a match made in heaven.

Walking around in Darkness

I recently joined this really cool website called "Splink". They send some super cool ideas on how to do family devotionals. This week we are going to learn about walking around in darkness vs. walking around in light. Trying to make our way w/ a blindfold on, vs. being able to see where we are going. There are some fun games we will play, and I'm really excited about it.

Not coincidentally, I am dealing w/ some family issues about letting some very dark areas in our lives come into the light. Is it ok to let those things surface if it is going to cause pain to those that are to blame? Have you ever seen those charts at the doctor's office that asks you to rate your pain? 1 being a smiley face 10 being a very uncomfortable crying face? My sisters and I have been walking through our lives at somewhere around a 10 most of our childhood and part of our adult lives. Well, I can say for myself, and I believe they feel the same, we are done letting the darkness live on in our lives any longer. We have gradually shed light in areas of ours lives until there is no more darkness remaining. Why should the innocent bare the pain for the guilty? Someday, my kids will need to make their peace with me, because I am not a perfect mom. And I will take responsibity. And I will do what it takes to make it all better, because I would give my life for my kids.

I am a person that needs truth. I am a person that needs to shed light in darkness. I will not be defined by the darkness of my past, but by the Light. The one True Light, my sweet Jesus. The truth will set us free. It will free me up to have authentic relationships. I'm not interested in any other kind. I care about how this whole process makes others feels, but that doesn't mean I will protect them from it. It isn't about revenge, it is about healing.

Family is such an amazing creation. What a wonderful opportunity to love people that you didn't choose. What a wonderful place to show grace and forgiveness. There is nothing that I can do to change the blood that runs through my veins. But by the grace of God I have been adopted into a royal family that brings me the joy and acceptance I never got from my biological one.

Thanks to my dear dear sisters. They are so much more to me than family. If we were not born in the same family I would choose you. If I could line up all the big and little sisters in the world, I would choose Yvette and Koreen.

I hope that what comes out of all these ashes is a new fire. A fire that will purify us all from the tarnish of our past, and make us like gold. And I hope that in the light that comes from truth, we will shine.

Dear Annonymous Homeschool Alumni

As much as my own school at home does not reflect your own experience, I am not writing to invalidate you or your thoughts and feelings. They are yours, and they are real for you. I am sorry for you and for your parents. To be under authoritative controlling manipulative authority is difficult, especially when you are only a child, and those causing you pain are the people in your life that are supposed to be loving and protecting you. I'm sorry that your parents used discipline to manipulate you into behaving a certain way, instead of capturing your precious heart. Our parents are human, they make mistakes. I know this first hand. My experience as a child was filled with abuses of every kind. However, forgiveness is the only remedy for your pain. Bitterness will kill only you. And maybe, your parents, just like mine, did the best they could.

If you could meet my family you wouldn't feel sorry for us. My husband is anything but authoritative, and I am anything but a doormat. My role as the submissive wife is not my strong suit! My children are so incredible. My oldest, Blaze, is breathtaking, and I'm not talking about her physical beauty. Although she is not short on that either! Her passion for learning, and her insatiable love of reading plus her tender heart makes her the best big sister and oldest daughter anyone could ask for. Shade, my second oldest, may be small, but she has a large capacity to love. When she is in the room, everyone is smiling. Not only because she is cute as a button, but because she is a real commedienne. Making people of all ages laugh, is no problem for her. Then there is Echo. There is almost no words to describe him. He is Wild at Heart. The word "obstacle" doesn't exist in his vocabulary, not because he is four, but because nothing stops him. He is a born leader. And last but certainly not least, our sweet adorable little lock. He is our little prince baby to love and dote on. He is so very easy to love, he is so darn lovable!!!

As much as someone can take heed from an annonymous (and so obviously bitter) naysayer, I have. And my choice to homeschool was not born out of fear and won't be changed by fear either. My heart is ruled by peace. And now that I have discovered the fast rate that Blaze learns, the inability for Shade to focus, and the unusual methods Echo needs in order to learn, I am so so glad that I do school them at home. I know so much about the people that they are, and they are incredible individuals. And I am so sensitive to their incredible potential. I'm not sure I would know all of this about them if I didn't spend the day with them. I am so thankful just to know them.

Also, for a list of famous successful homeschooled persons, all you have to do is google it. The list is long and their successes are large. I actually have to look no farther than a few of my dear friends houses. Their kids have grown into these amazing human beings, that I would encourage my kids to look up to anyday.

I hope you can look back on your painful past experiences and see the blessings that they were to you. I hope you can take that pain that you felt from your parents' decisions and turn it into joy. I hope you find forgiveness. I hope you don't let anger rule in your heart.

Blessings to you annonymous homeschool alumni. My prayers are with you.