What we like (love?) about Arizona

Sometimes I look at my life and I wonder "How the heck did we get here??" I don't mean anything so deep and thought provoking as, on this planet... just simply (and yet still mildly profoundly) our station in life at this time. Last year at Halloween or even Christmas time we had no plans of moving out of state, leaving everything and everyone near and dear to us. We had no plans of pulling up our roots and completely starting over. But apparently God did!! And so, here we are. And as difficult as it has been, I decided to compile a list of what we love about Arizona.

1) The Lichtenbergers. If we hadn't moved here, I never would have met Jeanna and the rest of her family. We love them... each and every one. 501 yo!

2) Trick or Treating without seeing our breath. I do believe it was a first for me. Most Halloweens growing up we were in a downpour. And who knew what you were dressed up as... we all looked like eskimos!

3) Monsoons and lightening. Monsoon season is over, and it wasn't a very active one. But we got plenty of lightening and man is it ever awesome to see over 200 strikes of lightening in a five minute period.

4) Hot Air Balloons. There is just something magical about seeing those things floating through the air practically every morning.

5) Sunshine. (Of course this could also go into the dislike category. Waking up every day to sunshine can be a little "Groundhog Day" ish. But) I also love that we get to spend so much time out of doors all year. And the kids love it too. And don't forget about all that Vitamin D we are exposed to!

6) Poiema Church. I didn't think we'd find a church that we liked as much as Imago Dei. But we have! And we are making new and wonderful friends! Can't wait to get more plugged in.

7) The Sunsets, here are phenomenal.... breathtaking.

8) Location we are close to the Grand Canyon, California, and Disneyland!! Just a hop skip and a jump, really.

9) John's New Job. Things are going very well for him there. He is their superstar! Now if only he could get that same status at home....

10) The Homeschool Laws. There really aren't any!! :)

11) Our Community. We have an amazing community center with a fitness gym, (where I will be teaching a zumba class!), a water park and lots of other fun stuff. People travel from all over to play on our ginormous playground! Plus we have great neighbors and our little playground in our own development that is a place that we go and connect. We have had two fun fairs and a block party since we moved here in April. Plus a Fireworks show that was nothing to sneeze at, that we could see from our driveway!

There is more.... like Kohls (there might have been one back in OR, but I didn't discover it), palm trees, cacti, and finding cute little lizards in your house. For the first several months it felt like we were on vacation! And after awhile I wanted to go home from that vacation, so now, we are making it home.

Don't hold your breath for a list of what I hate about Arizona. There is one.... and I'm afraid it isn't short. But I need to focus on the loves, and move forward!

Day One of A Child's Geography

Well, so far so good. As a matter of fact... so far so great! I love this curriculum. The read aloud part was the best ever! The activities helped to engrave the new information in their cute little brains. The copywork is fantastic. The post cards home fun and easy to do. I am giving it the chuck two thumbs up! The curriculum is so well rounded, it's almost a unit study of sorts. There is Bible, Writing, Reading, Narrative, Copywork, History, Literature and fun fun fun family projects. The first project will incorporate some sort of compassionate volunteer work for the homeless. I am excited!

We ordered both books for A Child's Geography. But the one we started is called Explore His Earth. The other one is called Explore The Holy Land. The jury is still out on the second one. I haven't even cracked it open.

I can't say what I think of First Language Lessons for a Well Trained Mind. The Teacher guide didn't come, and you need it in order to do the lesson. Stay tuned for my opinion on that curriculum. The Teacher guide won't be here for one to two weeks....

We did receive Blaze's vocabulary curriculum Which she sat down and did about ten pages because it was fun. So if your child is good with worksheets, this one is excellent. It is called Daily Skill-Builders Vocabulary.

Both of the Language curriculums can be ordered from the learning things link on my website....

A Child's Geography

Hi all... just a quick word. If you are in the market for a geography curriculum, check out "A Child's Geography". I found it through Cathy Duffy's website. http://www.cathyduffyreviews.com/ Where she lists all of her favorite curriculum, and a description of said curriculum. Also a very good resource. I read through the first lesson, and was actually moved to tears. It hasn't arrived yet, but I will definitely post our experience after we have used the curriculum. Let me know what you think!

There's the doorbell now! I wonder if it's my new geography... Or else it's the Language Arts Lessons by A well Trained Mind. I will let you know what I think of that one as well. Stay tuned!

Head Coverings??

Not too long ago, I met an acquaintance that attends a Plymouth Brethren church. I had been looking for a church to attend, and so I looked into this denomination to see what they were about. As I was reading I found that the women all wore head coverings to church. Their reasons were based mostly on the scriptures found in 1 Corinthians 11. The verses are as follows:

"2Now I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to you. 3But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. 4Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head, 5but every wife who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, since it is the same as if her head were shaven. 6For if a wife will not cover her head, then she should cut her hair short. But since it is disgraceful for a wife to cut off her hair or shave her head, let her cover her head. 7For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. 8For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. 9Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. 10That is why a wife ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels.11Nevertheless in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; 12for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God. 13Judge for yourselves: is it proper for a wife to pray to God with her head uncovered? 14Does not nature itself teach you that if a man wears long hair it is a disgrace for him, 15but if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For her hair is given to her for a covering."

Now it seemed to me at this point that the scriptures were very clear. We are supposed to wear a head covering! But when? What does it look like? What exactly IS this head covering!!?? If God wants us to wear it.... where are all those details explaining clearly the guidelines of this head covering?? And so I did some searches online, to see what others had discovered about these verses and I listened to a pastor that does vs. by vs. bible teaching where I used to attend church, and I wasn't satisfied with their reasons why women don't need to wear a physical head covering. Some important facts that I did learn in my search were that, historically, a prostitute would wear her hair short (shorn or shaven) and that if you assume the head covering is a woman's hair the verses no longer make sense. So, the reason to have long hair was probably to distinguish a woman from a prostitute. However, long hair all by itself isn't the covering the verses are referring to. Still, I felt like I didn't have a clear answer.

I let the whole subject go, for the most part. But every once in awhile I would think on it, and wonder if we were mistaken to be seemingly disregarding scripture just because it didn't fit into our social mores and comfort zone. Is scripture no longer relevent to us if it isn't culturally relevent? I hope not!

Once, a long while back, I heard a pastor say that the best commentary on the Bible, is the Bible itself! And in this situation, that really proved to be true! I was reading in 1 Peter 3, not too long ago, and I came across these verses:

1Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. (italics are mine)

I saw so many similarities in the verses that I could not ignore! I was very excited, because I felt like God was really giving me an answer to something that had been weighing on me. I truly felt like the Holy Spirit was communicating something very special to me.

Here I want to say that when reading scripture, be sure not to miss the main point that the verses are trying to make. The main point of these verses is submission, a wife's submission to her husband, and her husband's submission to Christ. If we replace the physical "head covering", with a spiritual covering of our heads... meaning our husband is our cover over our head, and Christ is the covering over our husband's heads, the verses still make sense, and the main point is not lost. As a matter of fact, the point is driven deeper, and the verses make better sense.

I looked up the original word for "adorn" in 1 Peter 3, in the greek lexicon, and that is exactly what it means: to adorn, embellish. But interestingly it also means to "put in order". Which supports this idea even further. We are to put ourselves in the proper order. Now in 1 Corinthians when it says that a woman might as well shave her head, they seem to be saying that you might as well be a prostitute if your husband isn't your head, or if you aren't submitting to him. And when the verses refer to a man covering his head being a disgrace to his head (his head being Christ), it is possibly referring to a covering other than Jesus... such as his wife! Or anyone/thing else for that matter.

And what about this "symbol of authority" that should be on our heads from 1 Corinthians 11:10? The King James version is more accurate, and leaves out the word symbol and has only the word "power"and the original word is actually "exousia" and it means, authority, jurisdiction, liberty, power, right, strength. The original greek simply says "Therefore, it is our duty as a married woman to wear this authority on our head because of the angels". Well, that's my crude translation of the original Greek! But of course, I am definitely not a learned translator of the Bible! And I wonder what the angels have to do with it all?.....We'll leave that for another time and blog!

So, when a woman is covered by the proper "head", her husband, she is his glory. Just as when a man is doing the will of God, submitting to Christ, he is the glory of God. How would a physical hat or covering of some sort glorify her husband? And how would a hat or head covering for a man be a disgrace to Christ?

Now I am not saying that wearing a physical head covering to show submission to your spouse and obedience to the scriptures is bad or wrong. It very well could be a physical outshowing of a heart response. However, I don't really believe that it is what the scriptures are asking of us. We could wear a head covering until we are covered like a muslim in a burka, but if our hearts are wrong.... it is useless. Our hearts are what matter. We must have a gentle and quiet spirit. We must submit to our husband's as our head.

I would love to hear anyone else's thoughts, opinions, hearts, research, etc, on the matter. But please no haters! I am on a lifelong journey of seeking the will and heart of my Father. And I don't claim to be wise or have it all figured out. I was just excited to share a piece of my story. :)

Another year goes by

Every year, on New Year's Eve, our family has a tradition to watch the previous year's library of family home videos. We laugh and sometimes cry at the images, longing to relive some certain moments, and feel a poignancy that can only be awakened by a stroll down memory lane. When I look back at those babies of mine, one year ago, I wonder where did they go? The changes in their behaviors and faces were so subtle. Too subtle to be noticed. I am deeply saddened by how much I miss my little babies from one, two, or three years ago. But what is the solution? More videos, of more moments? More photographs? More journaling? I believe that by just being thankful for every moment that I am blessed to be their mommy is a start. By being grateful just to know them another day. Sometimes when my ungrateful heart takes hold of my mind, and I forget that this is only a season, a short one, in my life, I even wish for a time of the future to be here already. By being glad to snuggle and kiss them today, because I will never get those moments back from last year, and by resolving to live every moment today to the fullest, I can live without any regrets. I can also be encouraged by the fact that who my children are becoming is nothing short of spectacular and beautiful. And that sure helps to let go of who they used to be. Just this week Echo said "I love you Mommy" for the first time, and completely unsolicited. This was amazing for two reasons. I normally have to ask him over and over if he does love me, and he normally doesn't even give me an answer at all! And secondly, he has never called me mommy, or even mom before! He called me "nina" from the very start, and nothing else. It was a moment that literally took my breath away! And Lock says "no" for EVERYTHING, including, and especially for, yes! His favorite phrase is "Stop it!!" with a hand out for emphasis. And yesterday Blaze said that she smelled something but she just "can't put a fingernail on it". And she said this sweet statement through her adorable and giant grown up teeth! And today, Shade came toddling halfway down the stairs with Lock in her arms. She had rescued him from her crib, when he woke up crying. Don't ask me how she wrestled him out of there... I have NO IDEA!! These moments are what will put a smile on my face tonight when I rest my head on my pillow, and wonder... "What will tomorrow bring me anyway?"....

My new friend

At the risk of sounding like a stalker, I need to tell you that I have made a very special friend. She is a friend sent directly from heaven. She is funny, beautiful, stylish, (yes you are!), charismatic, creative, godly, intelligent, honest, kind, generous, transparent, mothering, and just plain wonderful!


We both just moved to Arizona, we both have four children, we both love the Lord, we are almost exactly the same age, we both homeschool, we both have husbands that work mostly from home, we both blog (she introduced me to it actually), and we are both searching for a church home. (The list goes on actually). And eventually we will both join the zumba cult.... (you know you want to). Of course, she does listen to country music....

She has lessened the pain in my homesick heart, and has made this new place so much more my home. As iron sharpens iron, let us be true and real friends to one another. Let our conversations be pleasing to Him. Let our lives be transparent before one another, confessing our sins and also our praises to each other. Thank you God for my new dear friend Jeanna.... Amen!

Moxie Girls

Don't you hate Bratz?? Well, I do. O.K..... I strongly dislike them. Those are the craziest looking dolls ever!! And why is anyone so into them? To me they look like drag queens or street walkers. Should I tell you how I really feel? LOL!!

I guess I just don't ever want my girls to think that they need to show off their goods in order to be appreciated. As women we need to remember that our value is from somewhere else. (And taught that at a very young age). I also don't want them to think that they need to look a certain way in order to be considered beautiful. Especially when that look can really only be achieved through multiple surgeries!

So the good news is there is a decent alternative to those Bratz dolls! And they are called "Moxie Girls". We found Moxie dolls at Target. They look a little like the Bratz, with less botox, lip injections and almost no make up on. Most of them are dressed modestly, and ALL of them are dressed more modestly than the Bratz!

The girls are happy.... and so is their mommy!

My Muse

With God as my Muse, I will mold like clay
my child's heart to love Jesus.



I will paint the picture
of a family that serves the Lord.



I will dance with grace
a marriage of sacrificial love.



I will write the prose
of a life of Kingdom living.


My soul will sing
the joy of my salvation.



I will draw
the end and die to gain....
everything

With God as my Muse.

God in a box

Recently while visiting a new church I was introduced to the latest and greatest "method" of evangelizing, called "Praying for You". Sounds benign and even great... doesn't it? But something didn't sit right inside of me. I kept thinking how much we are always trying to fit God, and His Kingdom into a nice little package. All clean and self explanatory... wrapped up in a bow even! But that isn't the God I know. God's ways are above ours.... His thoughts are Higher than ours. We can't do 3 steps to a better new improved Christian living, and call it good. God isn't into 5, 7, or even 12 step programs.... He is into a lifetime of transformation, living IN His Spirit, renewing your mind by His Word. Of course, there is good in those programs, systems, and steps. Because God can use anything and anyone to do His will. But I still squirm in my seat everytime they start to surface in the body. We are all different. We all have different gifts. We all have God's Holy Spirit to guide us. He will give us the right words to say, and the right moment to say them. And He will change us to a better wife and mom. But these things are meant to take time.... a lifetime. I think it is because He likes to spend time with us. We are His children! Just like we like our children to talk to us, love us, spend time with us, and listen to our Words, He feels the same. There is just something about having to depend on the Holy Spirit at any given time, that just feels real! I'm tired of the packaged God they are trying to serve me at so many churches. Don't get me wrong, I love to hear how God is working in other's lives, or what God's Word did to transform them. But God is a personal God, and our stories are all different. Isn't that part of the miracle?

The Heart Butt Connection.....

This morning I got a text from John asking me how it was going. My response was basically a list of how many of our kids have needed spankings! Needless to say, it was a trying morning. But thankfully, doing the hard thing has proven to be the right thing as well. My children were testing the boundaries, and I let them know exactly where I stood. They are all behaving nicely and feeling secure and loved. Now I can expect my children to hear my voice before it becomes loud and irritable. There is peace in this house.

In my conversations with other parents, I have often felt the passion in me rising anytime the subject of spanking came up. I can say, with complete transparency, that if I hadn't been given the proper tools to discipline my kids, I myself would have become abusive. The victim.... becoming the victimizer. I am so completely humbled by the mystery and beauty and wisdom of God's Word. In Proverbs alone God strongly directs all parents to spank a child 26 times. I don't know about you, but anytime God says something that many times, it must be important to look at and take seriously. Would God tell us plainly to do something that is wrong, or won't work?

As a child, I was mistreated. As a parent, I was scared. I wanted to be a good mom. I didn't want to ever damage my child and I also didn't want to be overly permissive.... which would also be damaging to my child. I am so thankful to God, for, by Divine Appointment, He directed me to a ministry called "Hearts at Home". And I am so thankful to God for the transparency, wisdom, and boldness of the women on the "discipline panel" who answered our anonymous questions, and gave us a huge dose of godly wisdom on parenting. They were the starting point on the journey of parenting that I badly needed. Pray for women in your life with children in their teens or later that have obviously succeeded at parenting them. Women who were obedient to God's Word, and are reaping the benefits.

Everything I know about the mystery of spanking is due to the books that I've read and the women that God put in my life. He put some amazing friends in my life that were living the chapters right before my eyes. Thank you God for Heather Holland, Jenni Lenc, Kalen Bringle and Kathy Cates especially. No three women could be a better example to me of godly discipine and love to their children than these!! I am overwhelmed with how much they helped me along.... thanks so much guys!

The books that were the most helpful to me in making choices about my parenting techniques and style were "Don't Make Me Count to Three" by Ginger Plowman, "Sacred Parenting" by Gary Smally and "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp. (I also got some good nuggets from "To Train Up a Child" by Michael Pearl, but that book needs to be read with caution). I love sharing things that I learn with others and passing on parenting advice that has proven to be useful and important in my journey as a mom. So here I blog.... a condensed version for a healthy and effective swat on the behind.

I am absolutely aware that there are abusive ways to spank your child. And there are appropriate and loving ways to do it. I was taught several excellent ways to be sure that this form of discipline remained effective, loving, intimate, and right. First, and absolutely foremost, there cannot be any emotion attached to the spanking besides love!! If you are angry, and will get any satisfaction out of spanking your child ("That's it!!! Now you're gonna GET IT!!) then it is not an appropriate time to give them one. The key is to make a choice of whether or not you're going to be a parent that spanks, decide what offenses will result in one, and then just do it.

Next, decide what offenses are deserving of a spanking. I have decided that I wasn't concerned with the behaviors of my children, so much as I was their heart. And I also decided that spanking won't work if they are used every time your child is just acting silly and childish.... or showing immaturity and irresponsibility. For those times I would use a different method that helps with behavior modification, like our tally system, or taking things that they like away. So, in other words, choose your battles.... in advanced! I also ask the Holy Spirit to direct me, to tug on my heart, when a spanking was necessary. Who better than God Himself knows your child? NO ONE!! And then be ready to live out what you have decided. If you have no plan, the situations you find yourself in, will just escalate ("I said don't do that..... Johnny stop it!!.... STOP ITTT!!!) And then the teachable moment is lost, because you are irritated and even angry.

I made a rule with my children and myself that if I felt they were being disrespectful, defiant, or unsafe, they would get a spanking. An example of direspect would be rude faces, sticking out their tongue, hands on their hips, stomping their little feet, turning their back, and anything that they say that is short of respect and honor to me or their dad. (Notice how there are ways to be disrespectful with body language alone??) A three year old that sticks out their tongue at you, without consequence, could very easily become a 16 year old that gives you the finger!! When they are in their younger years, excessive whining and temper tantrums are considered disrespectful in our house as well.

Defiance is a refusal to obey, (only ask them ONCE!!! then sit there quietly and wait for it). I expect them to respond very shortly after I ask something of them. I ask them in a nice voice. I don't want them to ignore me until they hear in my voice that I'm about to crack up. I want them to hear my sweet voice, so that is the one I can use all the time. By the way, I am far from perfect. And these are my ideals. When I end up yelling or getting really irritated I tell my kids I'm sorry and ask them to forgive me. And they are very gracious and forgiving.

Disobedience is also when they don't do something ALL the way. Partial obedience, isn't obedience at all. Sometimes little ones need some more encouraging, and some reminding. But as they get older I expect total obedience... ie, the playroom needs to be all the way clean, not just partway clean.

And finally, if they obey, but they do it with a poor attitude. That is showing rebellion in their heart. Which is total rebellion to me. When I remind them of what obedience is I say "Please do it, right away, all the way and with a happy heart". Of course, there are times when I show them grace.... lots of times. God, the perfect Father does the same for us as parents. He is the model that we should follow. So, once again, pray! pray! pray! Ask for that wisdom from God, He will always give it to you.

Another point I wanted to include is, every child is different. Not only in different families, but within the same family. Be sensitive to that. Know your child. Know their heart. Find their gifts and their desires. Be supportive. Love on them the way they need to be loved. (People need to be shown love in different ways. Read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman) In Proverbs 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." the word "way" is originated from an archery term that means to bend, as in an arrow. You want to bend that arrow to be on it's path, but you don't want to break it. Find the way your child needs to be bent. Find the ways your child is already bent. Every child is bent differently. Like an arrow, aim them in the direction they are meant to be in, bend them just so, and they will get there. God's Word says so.

So, after you have established when you feel it's appropriate to spank your child, be sure to practice the how. Lashing out at unexpected times, while screaming and chasing after them is not a picture of a loving adminstering of a spanking. The whole thing needs to be "an event" in order for it to be effective. It needs to be controlled. It needs to be expected and not a surprise. Tell them how many swats to expect, and then count them out loud. Three is enough in my opinion. It should sting like crazy, but NEVER leave a mark. Some people use a "rod" of some sort, and some use their hand. It is a personal preference, and should be prayed about.

We have a spanking place. That way it is never a surprise, to either of us! Once we find ourselves in the laundry room, I have a conversation (or just one sentence, depending on the age and maturity of the child). I try to use the same words God does, because no one can say it better! "You were disrespectful to mommy when you.... and that is not honoring your mother" or "You need to obey mommy... and it was disobedient when you...." When I have explained their offense, I give them their three swats. If your child wears a diaper you should move their diaper. If you feel uncomfortable with spanking a bare bottom, put a wash cloth over it. And afterwards, hug them until they are done crying. When they are calm enough to hear your voice, pray with them. Pray as the Spirit leads you. God knows what words they need to hear.

Some days my wildest child will need several spankings. And sometimes my kids will go weeks and weeks without one. When they get a spanking, they don't feel offended, they feel loved. They trust my word, because I follow through. They have boundaries and feel safe by them. They know the difference when I have failed to live by my convictions and have "flown off the handle". They prefer a calm spanking over a crazed and yelling mommy anyday. This isn't meant to be a way to intimidate a child into listening. It is mysteriously, like my blog title states, connected to their heart.

If you have never even considered spanking an option, and are now thinking of giving it a try, be sure to have a conversation with your child/ren about what to expect from you and what you expect from them. Then pick one or two behaviors that you feel has gotten way out of hand, and concentrate on those one or two. Once you see improvement (consistency is KEY!!!) than tell them about the other behaviors that will now result in a proper swat.

I hope these words have been helpful to someone somewhere with the questions I found myself having all those years ago. Thank You Lord, for You are my strength in my many weaknesses. Thank You Lord for Your Holy Spirit to guide me. Thank You Lord for the wisdom in Your Word. Thank You Lord for the promises you will keep. I offer up my beautiful children to You, for they are not really mine. Please help me to be sensitive to the way each one is bent, and please help them to soar to heights and distances in spite of any mistakes I might make along the way. In the precious Name of Jesus is my prayer. Amen.