This morning during my devotional time, I came to Romans 8 in my Bible reading. It brought me back to high school, when I was only a year into my walk with Jesus, and I was studying for an event called "Bible Bowl" (like "knowledge bowl" just biblically focused). I had to memorize the King James Version of the entire chapter of Romans 8. I am pretty sure I got last pick of which chapter, because everyone else had twenty-something verses to memorize, and I had 39. As I read through the verses this morning, I was so moved by the message God wanted me to carry in my heart through out the very dark path I ended up taking. He wanted me to know that I wasn't condemned, He warned me about my flesh, He told me to hope in what I couldn't see, and that I was chosen. And finally He told me that nothing, absolutely nothing, could separate us.
I thought about the knobby knees on my teenage body, and how I thought they would carry me to the mission field. I thought I was satan's worst enemy and Jesus' greatest fan. I told everyone about Jesus that would listen, and even a few who didn't want to listen! I was on fire... a Jesus freak.
I could blame the turn on a boy, a bad childhood, no parental supervision, or low self-esteem. And those are partly to blame... well except low self-esteem, but I will get back to that. I can't say for sure why I did the things I did. But instead of finding myself in Africa teaching other missionaries children in a private school, I found myself, "playing house" with certain boyfriends, and eventually numbing the pain and filling the emptiness with a continuous stream of drug use.
I want to get back to that whole lie of low self-esteem. No where in the bible does it talk about needing to think MORE highly of one's self. As a matter of fact a complete opposite message is given. We need to be more humble, lowly, and put others interest above our own. We need to see ourselves in comparison to a holy, powerful, perfect, merciful, loving, majestic God. Compared to him we are but a vapor. Whenever I am struggling with depression and or anxiety, it is mostly to blame on being ungrateful, and self absorbed. The more we turn our thoughts outwards to others and to God, the less time we have to grovel and complain. If our whole strength, mind, and soul are loving God and others, we dont' have a lot of time to think "oh poor me".
Anyways, fast forward to today. That message that I carried with me through those very dark times probably never surfaced to the front of my mind, until this morning. And I was so overwhelmed with the truth that they held for me in that moment. I am not condemned, I am still chosen, I have hope in what is unseen, and nothing separates me from the love of God, because of my dear Christ Jesus.
I've often wondered if I would have gone to heaven if I had died during those years of walking after fleshly desires. I know that I had made a true decision to follow Jesus. I know that I had repented and asked Jesus to be Lord of my life. And I also know that we all fall short of God's glory. Does it matter how short? Doesn't Christ cover all our sins? Past, present and future? I mean, I still sin today. And all sin has the same consequences. Only God knows the true heart of a man. And underneath all of that ugliness, my heart still contained those words from Romans 8. And another favorite of mine: "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philipians 1:6.
I am so thankful to my God for not leaving me in that place. I am so thankful for not having the consequences that I deserved. And even more than that I am so thankful for the abundance of His blessings on my lfe, both temporal and eternal. He pulled me from that miry clay, gently washed away the filth, revealed my true heart, set my feet upon a Rock, and fanned the fire to my spirit once again.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
E-mealz is da bomb!
For quite some time now, I have had a very strange and even unhealthy relationship with food. What I thought was a quest for healthy eating, has really become a spirit of fear, and a need for control. I "fed" myself as much information as I could find, about eating healthy, thinking that I could avoid my family or myself ever getting sick. Thanks to a new and dear friend (B to the K) I was able to recognize my choices were being made out of fear... not love. And in such a timely manner, this same friend introduced me to e-mealz.
E-mealz, is a menu planning system that allows you to, choose the grocery store that you shop at, puts to gether a weekly meal/recipe plan based on what is "on add", and creates a shopping list for you.
The time it would take to make up a menu plan, based on sale items, and create a shopping list, is reason enough to join up! As a homeschooling mom of four, my time is precious. I need to use it wisely. In less than five minutes, I had my week of meals planned out, and my shopping list printed and ready to go! Plus, the store I chose is only 12 minutes away. I had been driving about 40 minutes to three different specialty stores (all three in completely different directions) to find specific items, buying only organic, and fixing elaborate healthy meals with only the best ingredients. (Which btw.. my kids would NOT be excited about, or appreciate the time, effort, and pain that went into preparing them).
As I have mentioned before, we are not rich (material wise), and so I have been forced to look at new ways to save our family money. I have (against my husband's wishes) habitually over-spent at the grocery store for many years now. On average I spent around $300 a week on just groceries! This is no longer a feasible option for me. So, I took all my fears and need for control, and I laid them at Jesus' feet. God has really honored my desire to please my husband, be a good steward, and let go of fear, and has given me peace. Oh... and btw, I spent only $115.00 on groceries this week! The cost of e-mealz is only $5 a month, and I saved twice that in gas on my first trip.
My first trip to the grocery store was interesting. I had never been to this particular grocery store. And if I had, I would've made a bee line straight for the "health food section". (Which they did have, and which, on this particular occassion I bought absolutely nothing out of). The grocery list was organized into the different departments, so it was easy to follow. Plus I didn't stand there comparing prices and reading ingredients. The choices were made for me! It reminded me a little bit, like shopping off of a wedding or a baby shower registry. Anyways, the first trip to Kroger's was marked as a success. And when I got home, John was impressed with the bags and bags of food, and the small number on the receipt.
I fixed our first meal last night, and I will chalk it up as a definite success! My four year old, usually wanders around at dinnertime, coming back to the table only when threatened with death. Well, last night, he sat in his seat the entire time, shoved as much of this food into his mouth and said, as food came tumbling out, "mooooaaaaah" (translation "more"). ALL FOUR of my kids ate their dinner, and there was enough leftovers for lunch the next day. There are also enough ingredients from this meal left over to create breakfasts, lunches and snacks all week. This was the least stressful dinner we've had in awhile!
I can't believe how much time, money and stress I've already saved using this program. And I had a pretty organized system, (considering my system was so extremely involved). Check it out, for yourself. I posted a link on my website. If you decide to join when you click on the link, I actually get credit! (To all my west coast peeps, the only grocery store you will recognize is Wal-Mart).
Bon Apetit!
E-mealz, is a menu planning system that allows you to, choose the grocery store that you shop at, puts to gether a weekly meal/recipe plan based on what is "on add", and creates a shopping list for you.
The time it would take to make up a menu plan, based on sale items, and create a shopping list, is reason enough to join up! As a homeschooling mom of four, my time is precious. I need to use it wisely. In less than five minutes, I had my week of meals planned out, and my shopping list printed and ready to go! Plus, the store I chose is only 12 minutes away. I had been driving about 40 minutes to three different specialty stores (all three in completely different directions) to find specific items, buying only organic, and fixing elaborate healthy meals with only the best ingredients. (Which btw.. my kids would NOT be excited about, or appreciate the time, effort, and pain that went into preparing them).
As I have mentioned before, we are not rich (material wise), and so I have been forced to look at new ways to save our family money. I have (against my husband's wishes) habitually over-spent at the grocery store for many years now. On average I spent around $300 a week on just groceries! This is no longer a feasible option for me. So, I took all my fears and need for control, and I laid them at Jesus' feet. God has really honored my desire to please my husband, be a good steward, and let go of fear, and has given me peace. Oh... and btw, I spent only $115.00 on groceries this week! The cost of e-mealz is only $5 a month, and I saved twice that in gas on my first trip.
My first trip to the grocery store was interesting. I had never been to this particular grocery store. And if I had, I would've made a bee line straight for the "health food section". (Which they did have, and which, on this particular occassion I bought absolutely nothing out of). The grocery list was organized into the different departments, so it was easy to follow. Plus I didn't stand there comparing prices and reading ingredients. The choices were made for me! It reminded me a little bit, like shopping off of a wedding or a baby shower registry. Anyways, the first trip to Kroger's was marked as a success. And when I got home, John was impressed with the bags and bags of food, and the small number on the receipt.
I fixed our first meal last night, and I will chalk it up as a definite success! My four year old, usually wanders around at dinnertime, coming back to the table only when threatened with death. Well, last night, he sat in his seat the entire time, shoved as much of this food into his mouth and said, as food came tumbling out, "mooooaaaaah" (translation "more"). ALL FOUR of my kids ate their dinner, and there was enough leftovers for lunch the next day. There are also enough ingredients from this meal left over to create breakfasts, lunches and snacks all week. This was the least stressful dinner we've had in awhile!
I can't believe how much time, money and stress I've already saved using this program. And I had a pretty organized system, (considering my system was so extremely involved). Check it out, for yourself. I posted a link on my website. If you decide to join when you click on the link, I actually get credit! (To all my west coast peeps, the only grocery store you will recognize is Wal-Mart).
Bon Apetit!
Friday, July 23, 2010
There is Joy in the "Mourning"
My sister and I have this long standing joke between us, that I think is pretty funny. It goes somthing like "Money can't buy you happiness, but it's alot more fun to cry in a Mercedes than a Pinto!" The strange thing is, I have looked back at my life and seen so much more happiness in the financially trying times, than the times of financial security.
Recently we have been going through a time of financial difficulty. And during my quiet time this morning, a lot of positive things came to mind. Things that probably would not have happened without the struggle. I cried out to God a lot more often than usual. I exercised and strengthened my faith and my hope in Him. I was able to put my trust in Him, and watch Him pull me through. I felt His presence. I was offered a P.E. job, that I am sure is His plan for me. And so I accepted, even though my qualifications are sketchy at best! I received an unexpected and perfectly timed gift of charity from a brother and sister in Christ. We cancelled our cable (HALLELUJAH!!!). And I experienced gratitude and thankfulness in what I would normally have taken for granted. For me without the sorrows in life, I really don't even experience the joy.
It's kind of like living in Arizona (stay with me), where everyday you wake up to perfection and sunshine, and you sort of get sick of it. For me, I need the sunshine to disappear for a time. I need the rains to come. The thunders to shake. The lightning to flash and confound! I need the seasons fall, winter, spring, summer, boredom, sadness, contentment, and joy. Dying, death, resurrection, new life.
I have heard it said that "it is easier to trust God in times of happiness and joy", and for me, this just isn't true. When the things of this world sustain me, I forget about God. And when the things of this world fail me, I turn to God to sustain me. I hope for a maturity of faith that is strong in both times of plenty and in times of want. Like Paul. Whenever I realize my faith is wavering or I am in a season of doubt. I know that times of trouble will come. It's a scary thing for me to pray for more faith. But I have to go back to the promise that this life is but a vapor. And that eternal life will outshine our pains and sorrows. I will never shed another tear. (Does that sound boring to anyone else?? That is a whole other post).
Oh that He will change the "joy in the mourning" to the "joy in the morning".
Recently we have been going through a time of financial difficulty. And during my quiet time this morning, a lot of positive things came to mind. Things that probably would not have happened without the struggle. I cried out to God a lot more often than usual. I exercised and strengthened my faith and my hope in Him. I was able to put my trust in Him, and watch Him pull me through. I felt His presence. I was offered a P.E. job, that I am sure is His plan for me. And so I accepted, even though my qualifications are sketchy at best! I received an unexpected and perfectly timed gift of charity from a brother and sister in Christ. We cancelled our cable (HALLELUJAH!!!). And I experienced gratitude and thankfulness in what I would normally have taken for granted. For me without the sorrows in life, I really don't even experience the joy.
It's kind of like living in Arizona (stay with me), where everyday you wake up to perfection and sunshine, and you sort of get sick of it. For me, I need the sunshine to disappear for a time. I need the rains to come. The thunders to shake. The lightning to flash and confound! I need the seasons fall, winter, spring, summer, boredom, sadness, contentment, and joy. Dying, death, resurrection, new life.
I have heard it said that "it is easier to trust God in times of happiness and joy", and for me, this just isn't true. When the things of this world sustain me, I forget about God. And when the things of this world fail me, I turn to God to sustain me. I hope for a maturity of faith that is strong in both times of plenty and in times of want. Like Paul. Whenever I realize my faith is wavering or I am in a season of doubt. I know that times of trouble will come. It's a scary thing for me to pray for more faith. But I have to go back to the promise that this life is but a vapor. And that eternal life will outshine our pains and sorrows. I will never shed another tear. (Does that sound boring to anyone else?? That is a whole other post).
Oh that He will change the "joy in the mourning" to the "joy in the morning".
Monday, June 28, 2010
He will make your path straight
Today as I drove to Heritage Hills Baptist Church to sign up my kids for their homeschool co-op classes, I asked God one last time "How am I going to pay for this?" Things have been really tight lately, and we have been barely getting by. My dear husband has been working so so hard, but with a commission only sales job in this economy, making ends meet is a challenge. I have been wondering if maybe God had forgotten about us a little bit. However, what has come out of this less than ideal circumstance has been so much more profitable than if I had been able to just cut a check without a second thought.
It all started in AZ when I was done with a Zumba class that a man named Seth came up to me and asked me to become a certified Zumba instructor myself, and pick up a class to teach. I got certified November 7th or 8th, can't remember, doesn't matter, and I started teaching at the Community Center nearby and I built a clientele that I loved and who loved me back.
I shortly thereafter packed up w/ my family and moved to Georgia, landing in a little place called Conyers. By now, I was in love with teaching Zumba, and I was hoping to find a gym that would take me on. I had invested a lot into it as well, and I didn't want all the time, effort, and money to go to waste. As I lay in bed one night praying about it, God put into my mind that I should call the local dance studios to see if I could rent space, and start my own Zumba classes. This worked out fantastically, and I found a wonderful place where they have been so very generous and helpful in getting my classes off the ground. My classes have been getting bigger, and I have met some wonderful people that are taking my classes. Recently one of the ladies invited me to attend their church.
Up until this point, we had been attending a Calvary Chapel that was fine, but not where we would land for good. I had known for awhile that we were led to that church so that I could find my dear friend Rebekah. And so I was now ready to look for a church HOME. I hate church shopping, and I equally hate the critical spirit it fosters in me, so I was avoiding the whole situation, until thankfully Bekah, (from my class) nvited me to her church. I had been invited by numerous people to church, but didn't really feel the desire to make the move from where we were... until this moment.
So, in total Chaundra fashion I did a little internet research on Rockdale Community Church so I could analyze the situation. It turned out that our kids 5 and up have to sit with us in church. Feeling a little deflated, I decided not to mention it again to John and pray. If God wanted us to go there, then John would miraculously bring it up himself. If any of you know me at all, this was virtually an impossible task. I got a little sneaky by mentioning this exciting new church to the girls, hoping they would bring it up to daddy, but strangely enough, it went in one ear and out the other. So, I just bit my tongue, and waited to see what would happen. Normally, I would be talking to John about it every five minutes and making him listen to online sermons and badgering him constantly, so John took this silence as me being no longer interested in going to this church. I was so frustrated!! Come Sunday morning, I got up extra early (this church started an hour earlier) and I got myself and everyone ready. John became puzzled by this and said "Don't we have like two hours 'til we leave for church?" Now I was stuck. I wanted this to be his idea... But I could stand it no longer! "Well.... we were invited to that other church..." And just like that he was totally on board.
The worship was inspired and simple, the sermon was MEATY!!! Almost TOO meaty! It lasted for over an hour! (The girls got pretty squirmy in their seats). However there was one very special moment. Before the sermon started, the church prays together corporately from their seat. Anyone that has a praise or a request just speaks up. Blaze nudges me and whispers to me "I want to pray" At first I almost say "No!" But thankfully I just nod my head like, if you want to. So as soon as the person praying finishes she starts praying. She prays for people's anger, their lost jobs, that the people in this place will know God. Her words are strong and clear and poetic. She speaks with such urgency and compassion. It is so real. I stifle a sob as best as I can. I am moved so deeply I am not even sure what I am feeling. How did this little girl become so brave and bold for Christ. I am sure of one thing, she is amazing... in spite of me... she is amazing. The whole experience here has been so wonderful, I am feeling like this is the place for our family. I am definitely excited to go back.
So, fast forward to today where I am wondering about finances. I had decided the day before that I was going to just move forward with my plan to sign the girls up for the co-op and trust that God will provide, or I will ask for a little more time to pay the fee. I was hoping that when I showed up for my Zumba class that morning, that I would have a bunch of new people, or returning people that were buying a new bundle of classes. When that didn't happen, I just trusted that there would be another way. But I still thought that "other way" would be something like a post dated check.
I arrive at the church, and the girls watch a super cool collie dog trick/stunt show while I acquaint myself with the facilitator Tracee. She lets me know that there is something she "needs to talk to me about". This always raises a red flag with me, because I am usually in some kind of trouble. But as Tracee starts talking I start becoming aware that God is answering my prayer... and I am now a PE teacher for the co-op, which entitles me to FREE tuition!! My heart is so overwhelmed with humility and gratitude. I am laughing from relief, surprise, and excitement. Never in a million years would I have volunteered for this position. But God had placed me on Tracee's heart, and she was hoping that I would consider it! Consider it? Where's my whistle??
After the initial excitement died down I managed to fill out my registration form and make some conversation with the lady standing next to me. Somehow the conversation flows to "what church do you go to" and I sort of gush a little about this new church that I tried out the day before. She asks me what church and when I tell her, a huge grin spreads across her face, that is where SHE goes to church. Her daughter and mine get on quite well, and she informs me that a really nice homeschooling family lives nearby us. As a matter of fact, the man that spoke on the Sunday is the husband/father of this family. And they also have a daughter near Blaze's age. I am almost unable to contain the deep gratitude I am feeling towards God. He comes through. He always does. And it's not always in ways that you expect... or even want Him to. But He comes through. He hadn't forgotten me after all...
As I drove away, I thought about the sermon I had heard on Sunday.. or rather a nugget of the sermon I had heard. God had just put the Egyptian army in the Red Sea. He had exercised His power over water molecules and had parted that vast body of water to let the Children of Israel through, and then had closed it back up again to swallow their enemies. Not long later the Israelites begin to doubt their ability to take the promised land as their own. The cities are fortified and the people are giant after all. What could God do to help them now? It all seems so silly to me, but I know I am like that too. Am I going to be like that now? Am I going to think that God miraculously worked out the details to bring me to this place and then He will just abandon me? Maybe, I will toy with that idea. I am after all human, and not even all that fancy and mature as far as humans go. But in this moment I am at peace. And since this morning, I have been able to think on the magnitude of this commitment that I have made. (PE TEACHER??) I need to continue to stand on His promises. God will equip me to do this work that he has called me to do! He will lead me to the right places, people, thoughts and websites. So.. again... where's my whistle??
It all started in AZ when I was done with a Zumba class that a man named Seth came up to me and asked me to become a certified Zumba instructor myself, and pick up a class to teach. I got certified November 7th or 8th, can't remember, doesn't matter, and I started teaching at the Community Center nearby and I built a clientele that I loved and who loved me back.
I shortly thereafter packed up w/ my family and moved to Georgia, landing in a little place called Conyers. By now, I was in love with teaching Zumba, and I was hoping to find a gym that would take me on. I had invested a lot into it as well, and I didn't want all the time, effort, and money to go to waste. As I lay in bed one night praying about it, God put into my mind that I should call the local dance studios to see if I could rent space, and start my own Zumba classes. This worked out fantastically, and I found a wonderful place where they have been so very generous and helpful in getting my classes off the ground. My classes have been getting bigger, and I have met some wonderful people that are taking my classes. Recently one of the ladies invited me to attend their church.
Up until this point, we had been attending a Calvary Chapel that was fine, but not where we would land for good. I had known for awhile that we were led to that church so that I could find my dear friend Rebekah. And so I was now ready to look for a church HOME. I hate church shopping, and I equally hate the critical spirit it fosters in me, so I was avoiding the whole situation, until thankfully Bekah, (from my class) nvited me to her church. I had been invited by numerous people to church, but didn't really feel the desire to make the move from where we were... until this moment.
So, in total Chaundra fashion I did a little internet research on Rockdale Community Church so I could analyze the situation. It turned out that our kids 5 and up have to sit with us in church. Feeling a little deflated, I decided not to mention it again to John and pray. If God wanted us to go there, then John would miraculously bring it up himself. If any of you know me at all, this was virtually an impossible task. I got a little sneaky by mentioning this exciting new church to the girls, hoping they would bring it up to daddy, but strangely enough, it went in one ear and out the other. So, I just bit my tongue, and waited to see what would happen. Normally, I would be talking to John about it every five minutes and making him listen to online sermons and badgering him constantly, so John took this silence as me being no longer interested in going to this church. I was so frustrated!! Come Sunday morning, I got up extra early (this church started an hour earlier) and I got myself and everyone ready. John became puzzled by this and said "Don't we have like two hours 'til we leave for church?" Now I was stuck. I wanted this to be his idea... But I could stand it no longer! "Well.... we were invited to that other church..." And just like that he was totally on board.
The worship was inspired and simple, the sermon was MEATY!!! Almost TOO meaty! It lasted for over an hour! (The girls got pretty squirmy in their seats). However there was one very special moment. Before the sermon started, the church prays together corporately from their seat. Anyone that has a praise or a request just speaks up. Blaze nudges me and whispers to me "I want to pray" At first I almost say "No!" But thankfully I just nod my head like, if you want to. So as soon as the person praying finishes she starts praying. She prays for people's anger, their lost jobs, that the people in this place will know God. Her words are strong and clear and poetic. She speaks with such urgency and compassion. It is so real. I stifle a sob as best as I can. I am moved so deeply I am not even sure what I am feeling. How did this little girl become so brave and bold for Christ. I am sure of one thing, she is amazing... in spite of me... she is amazing. The whole experience here has been so wonderful, I am feeling like this is the place for our family. I am definitely excited to go back.
So, fast forward to today where I am wondering about finances. I had decided the day before that I was going to just move forward with my plan to sign the girls up for the co-op and trust that God will provide, or I will ask for a little more time to pay the fee. I was hoping that when I showed up for my Zumba class that morning, that I would have a bunch of new people, or returning people that were buying a new bundle of classes. When that didn't happen, I just trusted that there would be another way. But I still thought that "other way" would be something like a post dated check.
I arrive at the church, and the girls watch a super cool collie dog trick/stunt show while I acquaint myself with the facilitator Tracee. She lets me know that there is something she "needs to talk to me about". This always raises a red flag with me, because I am usually in some kind of trouble. But as Tracee starts talking I start becoming aware that God is answering my prayer... and I am now a PE teacher for the co-op, which entitles me to FREE tuition!! My heart is so overwhelmed with humility and gratitude. I am laughing from relief, surprise, and excitement. Never in a million years would I have volunteered for this position. But God had placed me on Tracee's heart, and she was hoping that I would consider it! Consider it? Where's my whistle??
After the initial excitement died down I managed to fill out my registration form and make some conversation with the lady standing next to me. Somehow the conversation flows to "what church do you go to" and I sort of gush a little about this new church that I tried out the day before. She asks me what church and when I tell her, a huge grin spreads across her face, that is where SHE goes to church. Her daughter and mine get on quite well, and she informs me that a really nice homeschooling family lives nearby us. As a matter of fact, the man that spoke on the Sunday is the husband/father of this family. And they also have a daughter near Blaze's age. I am almost unable to contain the deep gratitude I am feeling towards God. He comes through. He always does. And it's not always in ways that you expect... or even want Him to. But He comes through. He hadn't forgotten me after all...
As I drove away, I thought about the sermon I had heard on Sunday.. or rather a nugget of the sermon I had heard. God had just put the Egyptian army in the Red Sea. He had exercised His power over water molecules and had parted that vast body of water to let the Children of Israel through, and then had closed it back up again to swallow their enemies. Not long later the Israelites begin to doubt their ability to take the promised land as their own. The cities are fortified and the people are giant after all. What could God do to help them now? It all seems so silly to me, but I know I am like that too. Am I going to be like that now? Am I going to think that God miraculously worked out the details to bring me to this place and then He will just abandon me? Maybe, I will toy with that idea. I am after all human, and not even all that fancy and mature as far as humans go. But in this moment I am at peace. And since this morning, I have been able to think on the magnitude of this commitment that I have made. (PE TEACHER??) I need to continue to stand on His promises. God will equip me to do this work that he has called me to do! He will lead me to the right places, people, thoughts and websites. So.. again... where's my whistle??
Friday, June 18, 2010
Weego
If any of you have ever had the pleasure of meeting Lock, than you have probably also met his sidekick, "Weego", the absolute LOVE of Lock's life. You might find it hard to understand his undying devotion to the blue stuffed whale, but for some mysterious reason, he wanted him at first sight. We were in line at Kohl's and he pointed at Weego and said "I want that" in a voice so sweet, I unquestioningly laid down my 5 bucks for him. (I know screamin' deal... right??)Normally, I don't give in to my child's every whim. But it just seemed right. And from that moment on, they have been inseparable. I , myself never had a favorite blanky or stuffed animal, and my other children didn't experience this level of devotion to theirs. I, basically, forced John's ugly green blanket, that was his as a baby, on Blaze, and she eventually was conditioned to want to sleep with it. But I had almost nothing to do with Lock and Weego.
Oh how does he love Weego? Let me count the ways:
- Weego is Lock's sleeping buddy. Even if he accidentally falls asleep without it, we better sneak him in at some point, because Lock senses when he isn't there and wakes up screaming for him.
- Weego is Lock's wrestling buddy. Yes, I said 'wresting buddy'. He actually wrestles him!
- Weego is Lock's own personal clown. Not a day goes by that Lock doesn't tell me, "Weego is funny".
- Weego is Lock's love. Now Lock has only told me he loves me once. And this was after I asked. But Weego.... Oh no... Weego is given daily if not hourly affirmations of Lock's love.
- Weego is Lock's napkin. I wondered once why Weego needed to be washed so often, and then I noticed that Lock has him with him at meal times and wipes his face on him.
Numerous times in the day I hear Lock whisper in Weego's "ear" 'You are so cute' and then tells me, 'Weego's so cute'.
John and I have had a few conversations about what life would be like if there was no Weego. (Not if we lost him, just if they never found each other. I know this is sounding strange, but this is what our conversation is about). They were so obviously meant to find each other.
That conversation usually leads to a related one about what if we did lose him!! And the thought of losing Weego was so frightening to John and I that we did an ebay search for one. We found him, and promptly won the auction. When he arrived in the mail, we were shocked at how different Weego looks now, from when he was brand new. Looks like we might need to run him over a few times if we ever needed to make Lock believe that this is the real Weego.
The new Weego came with a Dr. Seus book "If I ran the Circus". Apparently, Weego is the blue whale in the story. Lock carried that book around for two days, and no one was allowed to touch it. Finally the other night when Lock was asleep, I got a chance to read it, and was shocked to find out that one of the main character's names is "SneedLOCK". Crazy coincidence??? I think not. This is a match made in heaven.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Walking around in Darkness
I recently joined this really cool website called "Splink". They send some super cool ideas on how to do family devotionals. This week we are going to learn about walking around in darkness vs. walking around in light. Trying to make our way w/ a blindfold on, vs. being able to see where we are going. There are some fun games we will play, and I'm really excited about it.
Not coincidentally, I am dealing w/ some family issues about letting some very dark areas in our lives come into the light. Is it ok to let those things surface if it is going to cause pain to those that are to blame? Have you ever seen those charts at the doctor's office that asks you to rate your pain? 1 being a smiley face 10 being a very uncomfortable crying face? My sisters and I have been walking through our lives at somewhere around a 10 most of our childhood and part of our adult lives. Well, I can say for myself, and I believe they feel the same, we are done letting the darkness live on in our lives any longer. We have gradually shed light in areas of ours lives until there is no more darkness remaining. Why should the innocent bare the pain for the guilty? Someday, my kids will need to make their peace with me, because I am not a perfect mom. And I will take responsibity. And I will do what it takes to make it all better, because I would give my life for my kids.
I am a person that needs truth. I am a person that needs to shed light in darkness. I will not be defined by the darkness of my past, but by the Light. The one True Light, my sweet Jesus. The truth will set us free. It will free me up to have authentic relationships. I'm not interested in any other kind. I care about how this whole process makes others feels, but that doesn't mean I will protect them from it. It isn't about revenge, it is about healing.
Family is such an amazing creation. What a wonderful opportunity to love people that you didn't choose. What a wonderful place to show grace and forgiveness. There is nothing that I can do to change the blood that runs through my veins. But by the grace of God I have been adopted into a royal family that brings me the joy and acceptance I never got from my biological one.
Thanks to my dear dear sisters. They are so much more to me than family. If we were not born in the same family I would choose you. If I could line up all the big and little sisters in the world, I would choose Yvette and Koreen.
I hope that what comes out of all these ashes is a new fire. A fire that will purify us all from the tarnish of our past, and make us like gold. And I hope that in the light that comes from truth, we will shine.
Not coincidentally, I am dealing w/ some family issues about letting some very dark areas in our lives come into the light. Is it ok to let those things surface if it is going to cause pain to those that are to blame? Have you ever seen those charts at the doctor's office that asks you to rate your pain? 1 being a smiley face 10 being a very uncomfortable crying face? My sisters and I have been walking through our lives at somewhere around a 10 most of our childhood and part of our adult lives. Well, I can say for myself, and I believe they feel the same, we are done letting the darkness live on in our lives any longer. We have gradually shed light in areas of ours lives until there is no more darkness remaining. Why should the innocent bare the pain for the guilty? Someday, my kids will need to make their peace with me, because I am not a perfect mom. And I will take responsibity. And I will do what it takes to make it all better, because I would give my life for my kids.
I am a person that needs truth. I am a person that needs to shed light in darkness. I will not be defined by the darkness of my past, but by the Light. The one True Light, my sweet Jesus. The truth will set us free. It will free me up to have authentic relationships. I'm not interested in any other kind. I care about how this whole process makes others feels, but that doesn't mean I will protect them from it. It isn't about revenge, it is about healing.
Family is such an amazing creation. What a wonderful opportunity to love people that you didn't choose. What a wonderful place to show grace and forgiveness. There is nothing that I can do to change the blood that runs through my veins. But by the grace of God I have been adopted into a royal family that brings me the joy and acceptance I never got from my biological one.
Thanks to my dear dear sisters. They are so much more to me than family. If we were not born in the same family I would choose you. If I could line up all the big and little sisters in the world, I would choose Yvette and Koreen.
I hope that what comes out of all these ashes is a new fire. A fire that will purify us all from the tarnish of our past, and make us like gold. And I hope that in the light that comes from truth, we will shine.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Dear Annonymous Homeschool Alumni
As much as my own school at home does not reflect your own experience, I am not writing to invalidate you or your thoughts and feelings. They are yours, and they are real for you. I am sorry for you and for your parents. To be under authoritative controlling manipulative authority is difficult, especially when you are only a child, and those causing you pain are the people in your life that are supposed to be loving and protecting you. I'm sorry that your parents used discipline to manipulate you into behaving a certain way, instead of capturing your precious heart. Our parents are human, they make mistakes. I know this first hand. My experience as a child was filled with abuses of every kind. However, forgiveness is the only remedy for your pain. Bitterness will kill only you. And maybe, your parents, just like mine, did the best they could.
If you could meet my family you wouldn't feel sorry for us. My husband is anything but authoritative, and I am anything but a doormat. My role as the submissive wife is not my strong suit! My children are so incredible. My oldest, Blaze, is breathtaking, and I'm not talking about her physical beauty. Although she is not short on that either! Her passion for learning, and her insatiable love of reading plus her tender heart makes her the best big sister and oldest daughter anyone could ask for. Shade, my second oldest, may be small, but she has a large capacity to love. When she is in the room, everyone is smiling. Not only because she is cute as a button, but because she is a real commedienne. Making people of all ages laugh, is no problem for her. Then there is Echo. There is almost no words to describe him. He is Wild at Heart. The word "obstacle" doesn't exist in his vocabulary, not because he is four, but because nothing stops him. He is a born leader. And last but certainly not least, our sweet adorable little lock. He is our little prince baby to love and dote on. He is so very easy to love, he is so darn lovable!!!
As much as someone can take heed from an annonymous (and so obviously bitter) naysayer, I have. And my choice to homeschool was not born out of fear and won't be changed by fear either. My heart is ruled by peace. And now that I have discovered the fast rate that Blaze learns, the inability for Shade to focus, and the unusual methods Echo needs in order to learn, I am so so glad that I do school them at home. I know so much about the people that they are, and they are incredible individuals. And I am so sensitive to their incredible potential. I'm not sure I would know all of this about them if I didn't spend the day with them. I am so thankful just to know them.
Also, for a list of famous successful homeschooled persons, all you have to do is google it. The list is long and their successes are large. I actually have to look no farther than a few of my dear friends houses. Their kids have grown into these amazing human beings, that I would encourage my kids to look up to anyday.
I hope you can look back on your painful past experiences and see the blessings that they were to you. I hope you can take that pain that you felt from your parents' decisions and turn it into joy. I hope you find forgiveness. I hope you don't let anger rule in your heart.
Blessings to you annonymous homeschool alumni. My prayers are with you.
If you could meet my family you wouldn't feel sorry for us. My husband is anything but authoritative, and I am anything but a doormat. My role as the submissive wife is not my strong suit! My children are so incredible. My oldest, Blaze, is breathtaking, and I'm not talking about her physical beauty. Although she is not short on that either! Her passion for learning, and her insatiable love of reading plus her tender heart makes her the best big sister and oldest daughter anyone could ask for. Shade, my second oldest, may be small, but she has a large capacity to love. When she is in the room, everyone is smiling. Not only because she is cute as a button, but because she is a real commedienne. Making people of all ages laugh, is no problem for her. Then there is Echo. There is almost no words to describe him. He is Wild at Heart. The word "obstacle" doesn't exist in his vocabulary, not because he is four, but because nothing stops him. He is a born leader. And last but certainly not least, our sweet adorable little lock. He is our little prince baby to love and dote on. He is so very easy to love, he is so darn lovable!!!
As much as someone can take heed from an annonymous (and so obviously bitter) naysayer, I have. And my choice to homeschool was not born out of fear and won't be changed by fear either. My heart is ruled by peace. And now that I have discovered the fast rate that Blaze learns, the inability for Shade to focus, and the unusual methods Echo needs in order to learn, I am so so glad that I do school them at home. I know so much about the people that they are, and they are incredible individuals. And I am so sensitive to their incredible potential. I'm not sure I would know all of this about them if I didn't spend the day with them. I am so thankful just to know them.
Also, for a list of famous successful homeschooled persons, all you have to do is google it. The list is long and their successes are large. I actually have to look no farther than a few of my dear friends houses. Their kids have grown into these amazing human beings, that I would encourage my kids to look up to anyday.
I hope you can look back on your painful past experiences and see the blessings that they were to you. I hope you can take that pain that you felt from your parents' decisions and turn it into joy. I hope you find forgiveness. I hope you don't let anger rule in your heart.
Blessings to you annonymous homeschool alumni. My prayers are with you.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Home School Freedoms
Well, I just discovered how much the Georgia government has got it's little hands in my sweet little school at home! I have to write a letter of intent every year, send in a monthly attendance record to the superintendant, my kids need to have "grades", and I need to have them tested every three years starting at 3rd grade. Testing and labeling.....
I have mixed feeling about all of this. The first one is, very overwhelmed! In AZ all we had to do was write one, meaning a SINGLE, letter of intent, at anytime, notarized. And that was it. Now that is freedom!
The second emotion I have is outrage. Homeschooling, when left alone, has proven over and over to be a wonderful form of eduction. It is so frustrating, when what we do naturally is structured to fit the form so many homeschoolers strive to get away from! Even though I myself am not an unschooler, I have seen that even that philosophy of learning can flourish.
The third emotion is, compliance. If the masses need to be mollified with proof that we are actually doing something productive with our days, then I guess that will have to be fine. As long as I retain my right to school my kids in my own home, and choose my own curriculum, I will comply! And since we aren't required to send in any other information besides a letter of intent and (I think??) the monthly attendance record, this will all just serve the purpose of seeing how well I am doing at schooling the Anderson clan at home.
For now, I won't revolt!
I have mixed feeling about all of this. The first one is, very overwhelmed! In AZ all we had to do was write one, meaning a SINGLE, letter of intent, at anytime, notarized. And that was it. Now that is freedom!
The second emotion I have is outrage. Homeschooling, when left alone, has proven over and over to be a wonderful form of eduction. It is so frustrating, when what we do naturally is structured to fit the form so many homeschoolers strive to get away from! Even though I myself am not an unschooler, I have seen that even that philosophy of learning can flourish.
The third emotion is, compliance. If the masses need to be mollified with proof that we are actually doing something productive with our days, then I guess that will have to be fine. As long as I retain my right to school my kids in my own home, and choose my own curriculum, I will comply! And since we aren't required to send in any other information besides a letter of intent and (I think??) the monthly attendance record, this will all just serve the purpose of seeing how well I am doing at schooling the Anderson clan at home.
For now, I won't revolt!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Resumen de Mexico
Cancun Mexico 2010:
Valium and drool sleeping on the plane (there and back), a romantic dinner for two at a French restaurant with (ironically) the best food of the whole trip, getting a beautiful silver bracelet from a new friend, blow drying my hair in 15 second increments (overheating blowdryer, hotel issued), dancing in the hot sweaty club de baile (could they not invest in a single fan??), Mango Margaritas starting at breakfast, white silky sand (that somehow ended up in the bed... and everywhere else!!), water the color of imagination, our own (mostly) private pool on our back doorstep, cigars and menthols, standing in the ocean feeding wild fish tortilla chips, running for my life screaming my head off because said fish starting lookin at me like I was a tortilla chip, swimming in the ocean, sitting on Pancho the bewildered donkey with a bag tied to his bottom to catch wayward poo, rediscovering John, coatis and iguanas, loving the Lombardis, drinking the water (with much regrets), never once calling home (scaring the crap out of everyone... sorry), buying junk so my family knew I was thinking about them (even if they didn't get a single phone call), losing my giant diamond earring, never once leaving the resort, sunburns sunscreen and sunglasses, eating and eating and eating again (gotta love those all inclusive vacations!), lost luggage, having the time of my life and at the same time so glad to go home.
Poor Poor Pancho...
We seriously look like movie stars from the '60s!
He is in the Whisper
I am reading through the Bible in a year, and although it has been a challenge, it has also been more than worth the efforts. My love for God's Word has increased by much and I am reading things that never really get touched on in a Sunday morning service. Things that Beth Moore will probably never write a bible study about. There is so much I have never noticed or heard of before, and as a student of God's Word for the last 21 years, (minus a hiatus of about 4 to 6 years) that surprises me! Not that I think I am some sort of "Biblical Scholar", I certainly do not! I'm just shocked at the amount of stories I do not recognize AT ALL! So, I highly recommend this goal.
Today as I was reading about the "god off" (think dance off or sing off) between Elijah and the prophets of Baal, I asked God if he would perform a miracle like that today. I pictured me in my head, telling all my friends that are unbelievers that I could ask God to perform a miracle with fire. I pictured myself fretting all day, wondering if God would show up. I found myself sure that the project would fail. Then I wondered what this meant about God, not to mention my obviously complete lack of faith. Doesn't believing that God could and would do something earth shattering, make it happen?? The Bible says that the faith the size of a mustard seed could move mountains! Sounds pretty earthshattering to me. But it also says not to test God. And here, like in so many other ways, God is once again outside the reach of my human comprehension.
Besides falling in love with God's word, and finding out how much I have never heard, I am also forming lots and lots of questions. I am not, however, losing faith by questioning, I am gaining faith. In the book The Knowledge of the Holy, A.W. Tozer writes "These forget that their whole life is enshrouded in mystery. They fail to consider that any real explanation of even the simplest phenomenon in nature lies hidden in obscurity and can no more be explained than can the mystery of the Godhead". Or really any inexplicable mystery of God. He goes on to say "This world after all our science and sciences, is still a miracle; wonderful, inscrutable, magical and more, to whosoever will think of it..... We cover our deep ignorance with words, but we are ashamed to wonder, we are afraid to whisper "mystery."
So, back to my "god off". Would God make a showing? I don't know (and I'm not planning to test my theory). But I continued to wonder, and so I continued reading. And as is the case with God's Word, the majority of the time, the best commentary on the Bible is the Bible itself! In 1 Kings after the fire of God consumed the offering, God speaks with Elijah and this is what He says: "'Go out and stand on the mount before the LORD' And behold the LORD passed by, and a great wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper."
It doesn't mean that God is absent if He doesn't perform earthshattering miracles in our lives. He is present in our lives like the whisper of a loving mother to her newborn child, like the whisper of a man to his young bride, like the whisper of the wind through the leaves in the trees. A whisper doesn't force our attention. However it does require stillness and quiet to receive it. So my question became, will I be still and hear His whisper?
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God..."
Today as I was reading about the "god off" (think dance off or sing off) between Elijah and the prophets of Baal, I asked God if he would perform a miracle like that today. I pictured me in my head, telling all my friends that are unbelievers that I could ask God to perform a miracle with fire. I pictured myself fretting all day, wondering if God would show up. I found myself sure that the project would fail. Then I wondered what this meant about God, not to mention my obviously complete lack of faith. Doesn't believing that God could and would do something earth shattering, make it happen?? The Bible says that the faith the size of a mustard seed could move mountains! Sounds pretty earthshattering to me. But it also says not to test God. And here, like in so many other ways, God is once again outside the reach of my human comprehension.
Besides falling in love with God's word, and finding out how much I have never heard, I am also forming lots and lots of questions. I am not, however, losing faith by questioning, I am gaining faith. In the book The Knowledge of the Holy, A.W. Tozer writes "These forget that their whole life is enshrouded in mystery. They fail to consider that any real explanation of even the simplest phenomenon in nature lies hidden in obscurity and can no more be explained than can the mystery of the Godhead". Or really any inexplicable mystery of God. He goes on to say "This world after all our science and sciences, is still a miracle; wonderful, inscrutable, magical and more, to whosoever will think of it..... We cover our deep ignorance with words, but we are ashamed to wonder, we are afraid to whisper "mystery."
So, back to my "god off". Would God make a showing? I don't know (and I'm not planning to test my theory). But I continued to wonder, and so I continued reading. And as is the case with God's Word, the majority of the time, the best commentary on the Bible is the Bible itself! In 1 Kings after the fire of God consumed the offering, God speaks with Elijah and this is what He says: "'Go out and stand on the mount before the LORD' And behold the LORD passed by, and a great wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper."
It doesn't mean that God is absent if He doesn't perform earthshattering miracles in our lives. He is present in our lives like the whisper of a loving mother to her newborn child, like the whisper of a man to his young bride, like the whisper of the wind through the leaves in the trees. A whisper doesn't force our attention. However it does require stillness and quiet to receive it. So my question became, will I be still and hear His whisper?
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God..."
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